A DETRACTOR

Is one of a more cunning and active envy, wherewith he gnaws not foolishly himself, but throws it abroad and would have it blister others.  He is commonly some weak parted fellow, and worse minded, yet is strangely ambitious to match others, not by mounting their worth, but bringing them down with his tongue to his own poorness.  He is indeed like the red dragon that pursued the woman, for when he cannot over-reach another, he opens his mouth and throws a flood after to drown him.  You cannot anger him worse than to do well, and he hates you more bitterly for this, than if you had cheated him of his patrimony with your own discredit.  He is always slighting the general opinion, and wondering why such and such men should be applauded.  Commend a good divine, he cries postilling; a philologer, pedantry; a poet, rhiming; a school-man, dull wrangling; a sharp conceit, boyishness; an honest man, plausibility.  He comes to publick things not to learn, but to catch, and if there be but one solecism, that is all he carries away.  He looks on all things with a prepared sourness, and is still furnished with a pish beforehand, or some musty proverb that disrelishes all things whatsoever.  If fear of the company make him second a commendation, it is like a law-writ, always with a clause of exception, or to smooth his way to some greater scandal.  He will grant you something, and bate more; and this bating shall in conclusion take away all he granted.  His speech concludes still with an Oh! but,—­and I could wish one thing amended; and this one thing shall be enough to deface all his former commendations.  He will be very inward with a man to fish some bad out of him, and make his slanders hereafter more authentic, when it is said a friend reported it.  He will inveigle you to naughtiness to get your good name into his clutches; he will be your pandar to have you on the hip for a whore-master, and make you drunk to shew you reeling.  He passes the more plausibly because all men have a smatch of his humour, and it is thought freeness which is malice.  If he can say nothing of a man, he will seem to speak riddles, as if he could tell strange stories if he would; and when he has racked his invention to the utmost, he ends;—­but I wish him well, and therefore must hold my peace.  He is always listening and enquiring after men, and suffers not a cloak to pass by him unexamined.  In brief, he is one that has lost all good himself, and is loth to find it in another.

A YOUNG GENTLEMAN OF THE UNIVERSITY