Where who can say what menace is not nigh,
    What ambushed foe, what unexploded crump,
  And the glad worm, aspiring to the sky,
    Emerges suddenly and makes you jump.

  Where either all is still, so still one feels
    That something huge must presently explode,
  And back, far back, is heard the noise of wheels
    From Prussian waggons on the Douai road;

  And flares shoot upward with a startling hiss
    And fall, and flame intolerably close,
  So that it seems no living man could miss—­
    How huge my head must look, my legs how gross!—­

  Or the live air is full of droning hums
    And cracking whips and whispering snakes of fire,
  And a loud buzz of conversation comes
    From Simpson’s party putting out some wire.

  Or else—­as when some soloist is done
    And the hushed orchestra may now begin—­
  A sudden rage inflames the placid Hun
    And scouts lie naked in a world of din.

  The sullen bomb dissolves in singing shapes;
    The whizz-bang jostles it—­too fast to flee;
  Machine-guns chatter like demented apes—­
    And, goodness, can it all be meant for me?

  It can and is.  And such are small affairs
    Compared with Tompkins and his Lewis gun,
  Or eager folk who play about with flares,
    And, like as not, mistake me for a Hun;

  Compared with when some gunner, having dined,
    To show his guest the glories of his art
  ‘Poops off a round or two,’ which burst behind,
    But fail to drown the beating of my heart

  Sweet to all soldiers is the rearward view;
    To infanteers how grand the gunners’ case! 
  And I suppose men pine at G.H.Q. 
    For the rich ease of people at the Base.

  To me is sweet this mean and noisome ditch,
    When on my belly I must issue out
  Into the night, inscrutable as pitch—­
    I wish to Heaven that I was not a Scout!

  A. P. H.

* * * * *

    “Good Donkey for Sale:  musical.”—­Louth Advertiser.

Sings “The Vicar of Bray.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE INSEPARABLE.

THE KAISER (to his People).  “DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE WHO WOULD SOW
DISSENSION BETWEEN US. I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  AFTER THE INSPECTION.

Orderly (to Colonel).  “CAN I GET YOU A TAXI, SIR?”

Colonel.  “YES, PLEASE, DEAR.”]

* * * * *

A LONDON MYSTERY SOLVED.

Everyone must have observed a phenomenon of the London streets which becomes continually more noticeable.  And not only must they have observed it, but have suffered from it.

At one time the omnibuses, which are rapidly becoming the only means of street transport for human beings, had regular stopping-places at the corner’s of streets, at Piccadilly Circus, at Oxford Circus, and so forth.