“Just a small quiet party of hard-working men,” said Mr. Smalls.  “I hope you don’t object to a very quiet party.”

“Oh, dear, no!  I much prefer a quiet party,” said Mr. Verdant Green; “indeed, I have always been used to quiet parties; and I shall be very glad to come.”

In order to while away the time between then and evening, Mr. Charles Larkyns offered to take Mr. Verdant Green over Oxford, and put him up to a thing or two, and show him some of the freshman’s sights.  Naturally, he got a considerable amount of fun out of his young and very credulous friend.  For some weeks afterwards, Mr. Verdant Green never met any of the gorgeously robed beadles of the university without taking his hat off and making them a profound bow.  For, according to his information, one of them was the vice-chancellor, and the rest were various dignitaries and famous men.

By the time the inventive powers of Mr. Larkyns were exhausted, it was necessary to dress for the very quiet party.  Some hours afterwards, Mr. Verdant Green was standing in a room filled with smoke and noise, leaning rather heavily against the table.  His friends had first tempted him with a cigar; then, as his first smoke produced the strange effects common in these cases, they had induced him to take a little strong punch as a remedy.  He was now leaning against the table in answer to the call of “Mr. Gig-lamps for a song.”  Having decided upon one of those vocal efforts which in the bosom of his family met with great applause, he began to sing in low and plaintive tones, “’I dre-eamt that I dwelt in Mar-ar-ble Halls, with’”—­and then, alarmed by hearing the sound of his own voice, he stopped.

“Try back, Verdant,” shouted Mr. Larkyns.

Mr. Verdant Green tried back, but with an increased confusion of ideas, resulting from the mixture of milk-punch and strong cigars. “’I dre-eamt that I dwe-elt in Mar-arble Halls, with vassals and serfs at my si-hi-hide; and—­’—­I beg your pardon, gentlemen, I really forget——­oh, I know—­’And I also dre-eamt, which ple-eased me most—­’ No, that’s not it.”

And, smiling very amiably, he sank down on the carpet, and went to sleep under the table.  Some time afterwards, two men were seen carrying an inert body across the quad; they took it upstairs and put it on a bed.  And late the next morning, Mr. Verdant Green woke up with a splitting headache, and wished that he had never been born.

As time went on, all the well-known practical jokes were played upon him; and gradually—­and sometimes painfully—­he learnt the wisdom that is not taught in books, nor acquired from maiden aunts.

II.—­Mr. Verdant Green Does as He Has Been Done By

One morning, Mr. Green and one of his friends, little Mr. Bouncer, were lounging in the gateway of Brazenface, when a modest-looking young man came towards them.  He seemed so ill at ease in his frock coat and high collar that he looked as if he were wearing these articles for the first time.