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HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(Herr MICHAELIS:  Marshal VON HINDENBURG.)

Herr M. Good morning, my dear Marshal.  I am glad we have been able to arrange a meeting, for there are certain points I wish to settle with you.

Von H. I am, as always, at your Excellency’s service; only I beg that the interview may not be prolonged beyond what is strictly needful.  Time presses, and much remains to be done everywhere.

Herr M. But I have the commands of the ALL-HIGHEST to speak with you on some weighty matters.  He himself, as you know, has several speeches to make to-day.

Von H. Oh, those speeches!  How well I know them.  I could almost make them myself if I wanted to make speeches, which, God be thanked, I do not need to do.

Herr M. No, indeed.  Your reputation rests on foundations firmer than speeches.

Von H. You yourself, Excellency, have lately discovered how fallacious a thing is a speech, even where the speaker honestly tries to do his best to please everybody.

Herr M. You are very kind, my dear Marshal, to speak thus of my humble effort.  The result of it has certainly disappointed me.

Von H. What was it that LEDEBOUR said of it?  Did he not describe it as “a political hocus-pocus”?  Such men ought to be at once taken out and shot.  But we Prussians have always been too gentle in our methods.

Herr M. We have.  It is perhaps our only fault; but this time we must see that we correct it.  In any case, to be so misunderstood is most painful, especially when one has employed all one’s tact.

Von H. Ah, tact.  That is what you are celebrated for, is it not?

Herr M. HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY has more than once been graciously pleased to compliment me upon it.  And he, if anyone, is a judge of tact, is he not?

Von H. I have not myself any knowledge of it, so I cannot say for certain.  Does it perhaps mean what you do when you entirely forget in one speech what you have said or omitted to say in a previous speech?

Herr M. (aside).  The old fellow is not, after all, so thick-skulled as I thought him. (Aloud) I will not ask you to discuss this subject any more, but will proceed to lay before you the commands of HIS MAJESTY.

Von H. I shall be glad to hear them.

Herr M. Well, then, to cut the matter as short as possible, HIS MAJESTY insists that there shall be a victory on the Western Front.

Von H. A victory?

Herr M. Yes, a victory.  A real one, mind, not a made-up affair like the capture of Langemarck, which, though it was certainly captured, was not captured by us, but by the accursed English.  May Heaven destroy them!

Von H. But it was by HIS MAJESTY’S orders that we announced the capture of Langemarck.