I’ll moor my craft beside your lawn; so up and make good cheer! 
  Pluck me your greenest salads!  Draw me your coolest beer! 
  For I intend to lunch with you and talk an hour or more
  Of how we used to hustle in the good old days of war.

* * * * *

The Vicar of a country parish was letting his house to a locum tenens, and sent him a telegram, “Servants will be left if desired.”  Promptly came back the reply, “Am bringing my own sermons.”  And now each is wondering what sort of man the other is.

* * * * *

    “Young Man to help weigh and clean widows at chemist’s shop.”
    —­Sheffield Daily Telegraph.

To any young man who should be inclined to apply we commend the advice of Mr. Weller, senior, “Sammy, beware of the vidders.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  AN ADAMLESS EDEN.

The Seated Lady.  “THE GREAT CHARM OF THIS PLACE IS ITS ABSOLUTE LONELINESS.  DAY AFTER DAY ONE HAS THESE LOVELY SANDS AND SEA AND ROCKS AND SKY ALL TO ONESELF.”

The Other.  “REALLY.  AND HAVE YOU BEEN HERE LONG?”

Seated Lady.  “SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK.”

The Other.  “AND ARE YOU GOING TO STAY IN THIS DELIGHTFUL PLACE MUCH LONGER?”

Seated Lady.  “ANOTHER TEN DAYS—­UNLESS MY LANDLADY WILL LET ME OFF THE LAST WEEK.”]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch’s Staff of Learned Clerks.)

In The Irish on the Somme (HODDER AND STOUGHTON) Mr. MICHAEL MACDONAGH continues the story which he began in The Irish at the Front.  He gives us more accounts of the heroism of his fellow-countrymen in the titanic battles that have thrilled the minds of men all the world over.  He writes with a justifiable enthusiasm of the deeds of these gallant Irishmen.  The book stirs the blood like the sound of a trumpet.  In a war which has produced so many glorious actions the Irish are second to none.  Even those who do not agree in every point with Mr. JOHN REDMOND will admit ungrudgingly that he makes good the claims he puts forward in his introduction to Mr. MACDONAGH’S book.  He tells us that from Ireland 173,772 Irishmen are serving in the Army and Navy, and that in addition at least 150,000 of the Irish race have joined the colours in Great Britain—­no mean record.  Mr. MACDONAGH is as proud of the glory of the Ulstermen as of that of Nationalist Ireland.  He dedicates his book to the carum caput of Major WILLIE REDMOND.

* * * * *