***

The Chancellor of the exchequer has received four hundred pounds from an anonymous donor towards the cost of the War.  The donor, it appears, omitted to specify which part of the War he would like to pay for.

***

Germany has at last addressed a reply to the Argentine Republic, pointing out that strict orders have been issued to U-boat commanders that ships flying the Argentine flag must always be torpedoed by accident.

***

Mammoth marrows have been reported from several districts, and it is now rumoured that Sir Douglas Haig is busy developing a giant squash.

***

An official report states that there are three hundred and forty-three ice-cream shops in Wandsworth.  Unfortunately this is not the only indication of an early winter.

***

A potato closely resembling the German crown Prince has been dug up at Reading.  This is very good for a beginning, but our amateur potato-growers must produce a Hindenburg if we are to win the War.

***

A woman walked into a shop at Cuckfield and settled a bill sent to her twenty-four years ago, but it is not stated whether she was really able to obtain any sugar.

***

The R.S.P.C.A. grows more and more alert.  A man who hid three and a half pounds of stolen margarine in his horse’s nose-bag has just been fined five pounds.

***

“Dogs,” says the Acton magistrate, “are not allowed to bite people they dislike.”  All the same there have been times when we have felt that it would have been an act of supererogation to explain to the postman that our dog was really attached to him.

***

A taxi-cab driver has been fined two pounds for using abusive language to a policeman.  Only his explanation, that he thought he was addressing a fare, saved him from a heavier penalty.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Doctor.  “Your throat is in A very bad state.  Have you ever tried gargling with Salt water?”

 Skipper.  “YUS, I’ve been torpedoed six times.”]

* * * * *

A war bargain.

    “Brighton.—­A small General for Sale through old age.  No
    reasonable offer refused.”—­West Sussex Gazette.

* * * * *

    “An enormous burden of detail is thus taken off the shareholders
    of the Munitions Minister.”—­Liverpool Daily Post.

This will strengthen the belief that Mr. Churchill is not a man but a syndicate.

* * * * *

    “From that successful German campaign sprang the United Terrific
    Peoples—­the Modern German Empire.”—­Nigerian Pioneer.