There is the gigantic body, the huge face seamed with the scars of disease, the brown coat, the black worsted stockings, the gray wig with the scorched foretop, the dirty hands, the nails bitten and pared to the quick.  We see the eyes and mouth moving with convulsive twitches; we see the heavy form rolling; we hear it puffing; and then comes the “Why, sir!” and the “What then, sir?” and the “No, sir!” and the “You don’t see your way through the question, sir!"[196]

To Boswell’s record we are indebted also for our knowledge of those famous conversations, those wordy, knockdown battles, which made Johnson famous in his time and which still move us to wonder.  Here is a specimen conversation, taken almost at random from a hundred such in Boswell’s incomparable biography.  After listening to Johnson’s prejudice against Scotland, and his dogmatic utterances on Voltaire, Robertson, and twenty others, an unfortunate theorist brings up a recent essay on the possible future life of brutes, quoting some possible authority from the sacred scriptures: 

Johnson, who did not like to hear anything concerning a future state which was not authorized by the regular canons of orthodoxy, discouraged this talk; and being offended at its continuation, he watched an opportunity to give the gentleman a blow of reprehension.  So when the poor speculatist, with a serious, metaphysical, pensive face, addressed him, “But really, sir, when we see a very sensible dog, we don’t know what to think of him”; Johnson, rolling with joy at the thought which beamed in his eye, turned quickly round and replied, “True, sir; and when we see a very foolish fellow, we don’t know what to think of him.”  He then rose up, strided to the fire, and stood for some time laughing and exulting.

Then the oracle proceeds to talk of scorpions and natural history, denying facts, and demanding proofs which nobody could possibly furnish: 

He seemed pleased to talk of natural philosophy.  “That woodcocks,” said he, “fly over the northern countries is proved, because they have been observed at sea.  Swallows certainly sleep all the winter.  A number of them conglobulate together by flying round and round, and then all in a heap throw themselves under water and lie in the bed of a river.”  He told us one of his first essays was a Latin poem upon the glowworm:  I am sorry I did not ask where it was to be found.

Then follows an astonishing array of subjects and opinions.  He catalogues libraries, settles affairs in China, pronounces judgment on men who marry women superior to themselves, flouts popular liberty, hammers Swift unmercifully, and adds a few miscellaneous oracles, most of which are about as reliable as his knowledge of the hibernation of swallows.

When I called upon Dr. Johnson next morning I found him highly satisfied with his colloquial prowess the preceding evening.  “Well,” said he, “we had good talk.”  “Yes, sir” [says I], “you tossed and gored several persons.”