KASTRIL.

    Nay look you to that.—­I am beforehand—­that’s my business.

    SUBTLE.

Oh, this is not the art of quarrelling—­’tis poor and pitiful!—­What, sir, would you restrict the noble science of debate to the mere lie?—­Phaw, that’s a paltry trick, that every fool could hit.—­A mere Vandal could throw his gantlet, and an Iroquois knock his antagonist down.—­No, sir, the art of quarrel is vast and complicated.—­Months may worthily be employed in the attainment,—­and the exercise affords range for the largest abilities.—­To quarrel after the newest and most approved method, is the first of sciences,—­the surest test of genius, and the last perfection of civil society.

    KASTRIL.

    You amaze me.  I thought to dash the lie in another’s face was
    the most respectable kind of anger.

    SUBTLE.

O lud, sir, you are very ignorant.  A man that can only give the lie is not worth the name of quarrelsome—­quite tame and spiritless!—­No, sir, the angry boy must understand, beside the QUARREL DIRECT—­in which I own you have some proficiency—­a variety of other modes of attack;—­such as, the QUARREL PREVENTIVE—­the QUARREL OBSTREPEROUS—­the QUARREL SENSITIVE—­the QUARREL OBLIQUE—­and the QUARREL PERSONAL.

    KASTRIL.

    O Mr. doctor, that I did but understand half so much of the art
    of brangling as you do!—­What would I give!—­Harkee—­I’ll settle
    an hundred a year upon you.—­But come, go on, go on—­

    SUBTLE.

    O sir! you quite overpower me—­why, if you use me thus, you will
    draw all my secrets from me at once.—­I shall almost kick you
    down stairs the first lecture.

    KASTRIL.

    How!—­Kick me down stairs?—­Ware that—­Blood and oons, sir!

    SUBTLE.

    Well, well,—­be patient—­be patient—­Consider, it is impossible
    to communicate the last touches of the art of petulance, but by
    fist and toe,—­by sword and pistol.

    KASTRIL.

    Sir, I don’t understand you!

    SUBTLE.

Enough.  We’ll talk of that another time.—­What I have now to explain is the cool and quiet art of debate—­fit to be introduced into the most elegant societies—­or the most august assemblies.—­You, my angry boy, are in parliament?

    KASTRIL.

    No, doctor.—­I had indeed some thoughts of it.—­But imagining
    that the accomplishments of petulance and choler would be of no
    use there—­I gave it up.

    SUBTLE.

Good heavens!—­Of no use?—­Why, sir, they can be no where so properly.—­Only conceive how august a little petulance—­and what a graceful variety snarling and snapping would introduce!—­True, they are rather new in that connexion.—­Believe me, sir, there is nothing for which I have so ardently longed as to meet them there.—­I should die contented.—­And you, sir,—­if you would introduce them—­Eh?

    KASTRIL.