* * * * *

Official rectitude.

Sweden on the LUXBURG incident.

  We cannot think that we’re to blame. 
    We took the very natural view
  That one who bore a German name
    Would be as open as the blue;
  Would bathe in sunlight, like a lark,
    So different from the worm or weevil,
  Those crawling things that love the dark
    Because their deeds are evil.

  We thought his cables just referred
    To harmless matters such as crops,
  The timber-market’s latest word,
    The local fashions in the shops,
  To German trade and German bands,
    And how in Argentine and Sweden
  And all that’s left of neutral lands
    To build a German Eden.

  True he employed a secret code,
    But who would guess at guile in that? 
  Unless he used the cryptic mode
    He couldn’t be a diplomat;
  He wished (we thought) to be discreet,
    Telling his friends how frail and fair is
  The exotic feminine you meet
    In bounteous Buenos Aires.

  Why, then, should mud be thrown so hard
    At Stockholm’s faith?  She merely meant
  To show a neighbourly regard
    Towards a nice belligerent;
  For peaceful massage she was made;
    Aloof from martial animosities,
  She yearns with fingers gloved in suede
    To temper war’s callosities.

  Such courtesy (one would have said)
    Amid the waste of savage strife
  Tends to maintain—­what else were dead—­
    The sweet amenities of life;
  And seeking ends so pure, so good,
    So innocent, it does surprise her
  To be so much misunderstood
    By all—­except the Kaiser.

O.S.

* * * * *

The Prudent orator.

    “The Premier was accompanied by Mrs. Lloyd George and his
    laughter.”

    Irish Daily Telegraph.

* * * * *

    “Our new nippers are beginning to squeeze to some tune in France
    and Belgium.”

    Liverpool Daily Post.

Try a little oil.

* * * * *

We print (with shame and the consciousness of turpitude) the following letter:—­

    “Bed 56, E Block, 11/9/1917.

“Dear sir,—­This morning I was reading your edition dated September 5, 1917.  In the ‘Charivaria’ I saw an article in which you proclaimed the North Pole to be the only territory that has not had its neutrality violated by the Huns.  I beg to draw your attention to the South Pole.

    “I remain, yours sincerely,

    “A wounded Tommy.”

* * * * *

Washout.