you send me; is it possible to have any sort of esteem
for a person one believes capable of having such trifling
inclinations? Mr. Bickerstaff has very wrong
notions of our sex. I can say there are some of
us that despise charms of show, and all the pageantry
of greatness, perhaps with more ease than any of the
philosophers. In contemning the world, they seem
to take pains to contemn it; we despise it, without
taking the pains to read lessons of morality to make
us do it. At least I know I have always looked
upon it with contempt, without being at the expense
of one serious reflection to oblige me to it.
I carry the matter yet farther; was I to choose of
two thousand pounds a year or twenty thousand, the
first would be my choice. There is something of
an unavoidable
embarras in making what is called
a great figure in the world; [it] takes off from the
happiness of life; I hate the noise and hurry inseparable
from great estates and titles, and look upon both as
blessings that ought only to be given to fools, for
’tis only to them that they are blessings.
The pretty fellows you speak of, I own entertain me
sometimes; but is it impossible to be diverted with
what one despises? I can laugh at a puppet-show;
at the same time I know there is nothing in it worth
my attention or regard. General notions are generally
wrong. Ignorance and folly are thought the best
foundations for virtue, as if not knowing what a good
wife is was necessary to make one so. I confess
that can never be my way of reasoning; as I always
forgive an
injury when I think it not done out
of malice, I never think myself
obliged by
what is done without design.”
Lady Mary, who was now one-and-twenty, was no bread-and-butter
miss. She knew her mind and had the gift to express
herself, and in this same letter she very prettily
rebukes her laggard lover.
“Give me leave to say it, (I know it sounds
vain,) I know how to make a man of sense happy; but
then that man must resolve to contribute something
towards it himself. I have so much esteem for
you, I should be very sorry to hear you was unhappy;
but for the world I would not be the instrument of
making you so; which (of the humour you are) is hardly
to be avoided if I am your wife. You distrust
me—I can neither be easy, nor loved, where
I am distrusted. Nor do I believe your passion
for me is what you pretend it; at least I am sure
was I in love I could not talk as you do. Few
women would have spoke so plainly as I have done;
but to dissemble is among the things I never do.
I take more pains to approve my conduct to myself
than to the world; and would not have to accuse myself
of a minute’s deceit. I wish I loved you
enough to devote myself to be for ever miserable,
for the pleasure of a day or two’s happiness.
I cannot resolve upon it. You must think otherwise
of me, or not at all.”
“I don’t enjoin you to burn this letter,”
she said in conclusion. “I know you will.
’Tis the first I ever writ to one of your sex,
and shall be the last. You must never expect
another. I resolve against all correspondence
of the kind—my resolutions are seldom made
and never broken.”