“Cap’n Tarbell was the man I tried to do a good turn to; a man what used to be master of a ketch called the Lizzie and Annie, trading between ’ere and Shoremouth.  ‘Artful Jack’ he used to be called, and if ever a man deserved the name, he did.  A widder-man of about fifty, and as silly as a boy of fifteen.  He ’ad been talking of getting married agin for over ten years, and, thinking it was only talk, I didn’t give ’im any good advice.  Then he told me one night that ’e was keeping company with a woman named Lamb, who lived at a place near Shoremouth.  When I asked ’im what she looked like, he said that she had a good ’art, and, knowing wot that meant, I wasn’t at all surprised when he told me some time arter that ’e had been a silly fool.

“’Well, if she’s got a good ‘art,’ I ses, ‘p’r’aps she’ll let you go.’

“‘Talk sense,’ he ses.  ’It ain’t good enough for that.  Why, she worships the ground I tread on.  She thinks there is nobody like me in the whole wide world.’

“’Let’s ‘ope she’ll think so arter you’re married,’ I ses, trying to cheer him up.

“‘I’m not going to get married,’ he ses.  ’Leastways, not to ’er.  But ’ow to get out of it without breaking her ’art and being had up for breach o’ promise I can’t think.  And if the other one got to ’ear of it, I should lose her too.’

“‘Other one?’ I ses, ‘wot other one?’

“Cap’n Tarbell shook his ’ead and smiled like a silly gal.

“‘She fell in love with me on top of a bus in the Mile End Road,’ he ses.  ’Love at fust sight it was.  She’s a widder lady with a nice little ’ouse at Bow, and plenty to live on-her ’usband having been a builder.  I don’t know what to do.  You see, if I married both of ’em it’s sure to be found out sooner or later.’

“‘You’ll be found out as it is,’ I ses, ’if you ain’t careful.  I’m surprised at you.’

“‘Yes,’ he ses, getting up and walking backwards and forwards; ’especially as Mrs. Plimmer is always talking about coming down to see the ship.  One thing is, the crew won’t give me away; they’ve been with me too long for that.  P’r’aps you could give me a little advice, Bill.’

“I did.  I talked to that man for an hour and a’arf, and when I ’ad finished he said he didn’t want that kind of advice at all.  Wot ’e wanted was for me to tell ’im ’ow to get rid of Miss Lamb and marry Mrs. Plimmer without anybody being offended or having their feelings hurt.

“Mrs. Plimmer came down to the ship the very next evening.  Fine-looking woman she was, and, wot with ’er watch and chain and di’mond rings and brooches and such-like, I should think she must ’ave ’ad five or six pounds’ worth of jewell’ry on ’er.  She gave me a very pleasant smile, and I gave ’er one back, and we stood chatting there like old friends till at last she tore ’erself away and went on board the ship.

“She came off by and by hanging on Cap’n Tarbell’s arm.  The cap’n was dressed up in ’is Sunday clothes, with one of the cleanest collars on I ’ave ever seen in my life, and smoking a cigar that smelt like an escape of gas.  He came back alone at ha’past eleven that night, and ’e told me that if it wasn’t for the other one down Shoremouth way he should be the ’appiest man on earth.