WEN. Who list to have a lubberly load. [Sings this.[334]

ILF.  Sirrah wag, this rogue was son and heir to Antony Now-now[335] and Blind Moon.  And he must needs be a scurvy musician, that hath two fiddlers to his fathers:  but tell me, in faith, art thou not—­nay, I know thou art, called down into the country here by some hoary knight or other who, knowing thee a young gentleman of good parts and a great living, hath desired thee to see some pitiful piece of his workmanship —­a daughter, I mean.  Is’t not so?

SCAR.  About some such preferment I came down.

ILF.  Preferment’s a good word.  And when do you commence into the cuckold’s order—­the preferment you speak of? when shall we have gloves;[336] when, when?

SCAR.  Faith, gallants, I have been guest here but since last night.

ILF.  Why, and that is time enough to make up a dozen marriages, as marriages are made up nowadays.  For look you, sir; the father, according to the fashion, being sure you have a good living, and without encumbrance, comes to you thus:—­takes you by the hand thus:—­wipes his long beard thus:—­or turns up his moustachio thus:—­walks some turn or two thus:—­to show his comely gravity thus:—­and having washed his foul mouth thus:  at last breaks out thus.——­

WEN.  O God! let us hear no more of this?

ILF.——­Master Scarborow, you are a young gentleman; I knew your father well, he was my worshipful good neighbour, for our demesnes lay near together.  Then, sir, you and I must be of more near acquaintance, at which you must make an eruption thus:—­O God (sweet sir)—­

BAR.  ’Sfoot, the knight would have made an excellent Zany in an Italian comedy.

ILF.  When he goes forward thus:  Sir, myself am lord of some thousand a year, a widower (Master Scarborow).  I have a couple of young gentlewomen to my daughters:  a thousand a year will do well divided among them; ha, will’t not, Master Scarborow?  At which you out of your education must reply thus:  The portion will deserve them worthy husbands:  on which tinder he soon takes fire, and swears you are the man his hopes shot at, and one of them shall be yours.

WEN.  If I did not like her, should he swear himself[337] to the devil, I would make him foresworn.

ILF.  Then putting you and the young pug[338] too in a close room together——­

WEN.  If he should lie with her there, is not the father partly the bawd?

ILF.——­Where the young puppet, having the lesson before from the old fox, gives the son half a dozen warm kisses which, after her father’s oaths, takes such impression in thee, thou straight call’st, By Jesu, mistress, I love you!—­when she has the wit to ask, But, sir, will you marry me? and thou, in thy cock-sparrow humour, repliest, Ay, before God, as I am a gentleman, will I; which the father overhearing, leaps in, takes you at your word, swears he is glad to see this; nay, he will have you contracted straight, and for a need makes the priest of himself.  Thus in one hour, from a quiet life, Thou art sworn in debt, and troubled with a wife.