O. LUS.  ’Tis true, sir, I was there the selfsame time,
And I remember many of the words.

O. ART.  Lord, what a man are you! you were not there
That time; as I remember, you were rid
Down to the North, to see some friends of yours.

O. LUS.  Well, I was somewhere; forward, Master Arthur.

JUS.  All this is well; no fault is to be found
In either of the parties; pray, say on.

O. ART.  Why, sir, I have not nam’d the parties yet,
Nor touch’d the fault that is complain’d upon.

O. LUS.  Well, you touch’d somewhat; forward, Master Arthur.

O. ART.  And, as I said, they fell in controversy: 
My son, not like a husband, gave her words
Of great reproof, despite, and contumely,
Which she, poor soul, digested patiently;
This was the first time of their falling out. 
As I remember, at the selfsame time
One Thomas, the Earl of Surrey’s gentleman,
Din’d at my table.

O. LUS.  I knew him well.

O. ART.  You are the strangest man; this gentleman,
That I speak of, I am sure you never saw;
He came but lately from beyond the sea.

O. LUS.  I am sure I know one Thomas;—­forward, sir.

JUS.  And is this all?  Make me a mittimus,
And send the offender straightways to the jail.

O. ART.  First know the offender—­now[13] began the strife
Betwixt this gentlewoman and my son—­
Since when, sir, he hath us’d her not like one
That should partake his bed, but like a slave. 
My coming was that you, being in office
And in authority, should call before you
My unthrift son, to give him some advice,
Which he will take better from you than me,
That am his father.  Here’s the gentlewoman,
Wife to my son, and daughter to this man,
Whom I perforce compell’d to live with us.

JUS.  All this is well; here is your son, you say,
But she that is his wife you cannot find.

Y. LUS.  You do mistake, sir, here’s the gentlewoman;
It is her husband that will not be found.

JUS.  Well, all is one, for man and wife are one;
But is this all?

Y. LUS.  Ay, all that you can say,
And much more than you can well put off.

JUS.  Nay, if the case appear thus evident,
Give me a cup of wine.  What! man and wife
To disagree!  I prythee, fill my cup;
I could say somewhat:  tut, tut, by this wine,
I promise you ’tis good canary sack.

MRS ART.  Fathers, you do me open violence,
To bring my name in question, and produce
This gentleman and others here to witness
My husband’s shame in open audience. 
What may my husband think, when he shall know
I went unto the Justice to complain? 
But Master Justice here, more wise than you,
Says little to the matter, knowing well
His office is no whit concern’d herein;
Therefore with favour I will take my leave.