“It is closed,” I said, reddening.

“Very well, sir.”  But he did not move from the doorway and returned my stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time.  Then his eyes wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, almost coaxingly: 

“May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?”

“Of course!” I turned my back on him while he popped in and out.  Then I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt.  This sort of thing could not go on very long.  The cabin was as hot as an oven, too.  I took a peep at my double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm was still over his eyes; but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspiration.  I reached over him and opened the port.

“I must show myself on deck,” I reflected.

Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin door and take the key away I did not dare.  Directly I put my head out of the companion I saw the group of my two officers, the second mate barefooted, the chief mate in long india-rubber boots, near the break of the poop, and the steward half-way down the poop-ladder talking to them eagerly.  He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second ran down on the main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief mate came to meet me, touching his cap.

There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like.  I don’t know whether the steward had told them that I was “queer” only, or downright drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me.  I watched him coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, took effect and froze his very whiskers.  I did not give him time to open his lips.

“Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast.”

It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I stayed on deck to see it executed, too.  I had felt the need of asserting myself without loss of time.  That sneering young cub got taken down a peg or two on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having a good look at the face of every foremast man as they filed past me to go to the after braces.  At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I presided with such frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the time the dual working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of insanity.  I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table.  It was very much like being mad, only it was worse because one was aware of it.

I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his eyes it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring look.