Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 37, December 10, 1870 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 54 pages of information about Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 37, December 10, 1870.

Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 37, December 10, 1870 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 54 pages of information about Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 37, December 10, 1870.

It was next tendered to the Hon. THEOPHILUS SKINNER, but peremptorily declined because SKINNER’S district had become Democratic since he was elected, and he knew that if he resigned an infamous cannibal copperhead would be sent to Congress in his stead.  SKINNER consulted all the leaders of his party, and they unanimously agreed that it would be better to let every court in Europe be without an American representative than risk the loss of that district.

Everybody knows why the Rev. Dr. BANGWELL, of Chicago, did not accept it.  The Doctor expected his divorce case to come on in a few days, and could not neglect that; and besides, he had made all the arrangements for his other marriage, and sent out the invitations.  If the President had just made some inquiries before appointing Dr. BANGWELL, he could have found out that the Doctor’s engagements would not permit him to leave Chicago on any account.

The offer that was made to Col.  KAMPSTUHL was declined solely because the Colonel had an old score to settle with Gen. GRANT for something in the way of a court-martial that happened near Tricksburg.  He swore that he would get square with the author of that business sometime, and when the mission was offered to him (by accident, for Gen GRANT had forgotten all about the court-martial), he got up a sepulchral voice, and said, “Ha, ha!  R-e-e-e-vendge at last!” and then wrote a bitter letter to Washington on the subject.

After that it was peddled all round the country in a promiscuous way, and offered in succession to a blacksmith who used to shoe horses for Gen. GRANT, a conductor who refused to take fare from a well-known Presidential excursion party, a dealer in hides who had conferred some high obligations when a certain official was in the tanning business, a grocery-keeper, a family shoemaker, a manufacturer of matches, and such a multitude of people, in fact, that it finally got to be looked upon as the greatest missionary undertaking of modern times.

The only really prominent man that the place was not tendered to is GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN; but I wouldn’t say that it won’t get around to him somewhere in Asia before the circle is completed.

All these things were very well known to me before the office was placed at my disposal, but I did not care to wound the fine sensibilities of the President by saying anything about them in my note.

My reason for declining in favor of Mr. GREELEY has been stated—­I put the whole matter frankly to Gen. GRANT—­but I can’t say whether the suggestion I offered has been acted upon or not.  The only thing I am certain about on this point is, that if the offer should be made to HORACE, it won’t get around to GEORGE FRANCIS afterwards.

There has been so much talk about this business, that I have considered it a sacred duty to state the facts and let some floods of light shine upon the whole thing.  The duty is now conscientiously, discharged.

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Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 37, December 10, 1870 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.