Yours, somniferously,

DICK TINTO.

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[Illustration:  THOSE COUNTRY COUSINS AGAIN.

Celia (just arrived from the country). “JUST THINK, JANE, COUSIN JOHN IS TO BE MY ESCORT TO THE FRENCH BAZAAR AND THE NILSSON CONCERTS, AND BOOTH’S AND WALLACE’S, AND THE OPERA BOUFFE, AND LOTS OF OTHER FIRST-CLASS SHOWS!”]

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FACTS ABOUT THE ENGLISH MISSION.

It is not true that I ever accepted the English Mission; and if any man says I did, I now deliberately brand him as a Liar and Villain.

I am not going to deny that the place was offered me, but I do unhesitatingly, say that I never absolutely consented to take it.

Gen. GRANT may have construed my note on the subject as an unqualified acceptance, but that was owing entirely to his devouring desire to get the thing off his hands, and not to any ambiguity in my language.

“No, Mr. PRESIDENT,” I said in the note, “far be it from me to stand between my friend, Mr. GREELEY, and the gratification of his noble desire to wear military things at receptions abroad.  Moreover your Excellency, I would not for the world deprive our cousins and other relations in England of an opportunity to cultivate the grand old art of swearing under the instruction of so eminent a professor as HORACE.”

This is the sort of language I used, and I don’t see how any man except Gen. GRANT could get hold of it the wrong way.

Of course I had some reasons besides those stated in my note for declining the Mission, but I did not want to hurt the President’s feelings by going over the whole ground.

It was not unknown to me that the situation had been offered to about five thousand persons before it came round to my turn, or that the English Mission had fallen into a general decline.  I knew all about that just as well as Gen. GRANT, but it would not have done any good to parade my knowledge on the subject.

There was the Hon. THOS.  JENKINS who refused to take it, because his wife had a prejudice against Bulls ever since she was scared by one that chased her five miles for no other reason than that she was what might be called a red woman—­well-read in the exciting house-wife literature of the day.  JENKINS positively declined.

Then it was offered to Col.  CANNONAYDE, who declined it because his mother-in-law declared that she would go along too, if he went, and he thought it would be better not to let her have a change of air, as she was in a fair way to wind up pretty soon by remaining near those swamps.  CANNONAYDE wanted the place kept open till after the funeral, but this was not granted.

The next offer was made to Gen. BRAYLEIGH; but he refused it on the ground that he had made arrangements for going into the coal trade, and he could not be sure of holding the place more than a few weeks.  Anyway, he thought it would not pay to give up the coalition he had entered into with another party.  In fact, old BRAYLEIGH treated the whole matter very coldly.