If any one should desire to pursue this subject further, let him go through CHAUCER, SPENSER, SHAKSPEARE, and MILTON with a fine-tooth comb and a pair of spectacles, looking for roots, and then try my book on “Words and their Uses.”  He had better not attack the latter work on an empty stomach.  An empty head will be more appropriate.

* * * * *

The Mendicant Mission.

Two fresh rumors about that unfortunate English Mission are afloat.  One is that it has been tendered to the Hon. HENRY T. BLOW; the other is that the—­well, no, not exactly Hon.—­DAN.  SICKLES is to be transferred from Madrid to the Court of St. JAMES.  ’Tis much the same thing.  If BLOW is appointed, it’s BLOW; and if SICKLES is appointed, it’s Blow, too.

* * * * *

Military Intelligence.

The Fifth Regiment N.G.S.N.Y., composed altogether of Germans, have adopted the Prussian helmet with a spike on top.  This is appropriate, as most Germans are linguists, and like to “spike the French.”

* * * * *

Where to Commence the Civil Service Reform.

In our Hotels and Restaurants.

* * * * *

THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.

Regarding me thoughtfully for a moment, MARGARET asks, “What is an ’old comedy?’”

I say to her, “An old comedy is to the comedy of to-day, precisely what an old beau, padded, painted, simpering with false teeth, and leering with rhumy eyes, is to a handsome, gallant young fellow, such as Mr. LESTER WALLACK impersonates in Ours or School.”

To which she replies, “What are roomy eyes, dear?” (Being her fourth cousin by marriage, I am a sort of maiden aunt to her,—­whence this respectful familiarity.) “Eyes in which there is room for the honest glances that never show themselves?’”

I sternly remark that “nice girls never pun.”

“Yes,” she replies; “punning, like beer and other vices, is the peculiar prerogative of men, I suppose.  But you need not be afraid.  I read PUNCHINELLO sometimes, and it is a terrible warning to people who are tempted to pun.  I could give you frightful instances of the appalling depth to which the men who make puns in PUNCHINELLO occasionally sink.”

I hastily close the discussion by inviting her to come to WALLACK’S and see an old comedy.  So we find ourselves on the following evening in the only theatre in the country where that rather important adjunct of a theatre—­a company—­is to be found,