“Meanwhile, as their friend went to the city, he thought ever and again of the coins and longed to possess the whole pile.  At last the Devil sent him an evil idea.  He went to the shop of an apothecary.  ‘Sir,’ he said,’ I pray you give me some poison for rats.  I am overrun with them, and there is also a polecat in my yard that kills my chickens.’  The chemist gave him poison and told him it was so strong that no more than a grain would kill any animal.  At this the rascal went and bought three bottles and put poison in two of them.  The third he kept clean for his own use, and then he filled up the bottles with wine and made his way back to the others.  When he drew near they carried out their plan and stabbed him; but, chancing to take and drink from one of the poisoned bottles, they were killed in their turn.

“O cursed sin, foul ending to lust!  Even so do gluttony and avarice lead on to the dread crime of murder.  O ye that hear, turn before it is too late from cursing and swearing, dice and covetousness.  Think of our Lord who bought us with His precious blood and of whom the world was not worthy; think and repent.  Here if you repent and turn from avarice may you buy pardon.  Bring up your offerings, crowns, or silver brooches and spoons or rings.  Housewives, bring your wool and the High Power will grant you pardon.  Here in my roll I write your names as pure as on the day you were born!

“But, gentlemen, there was one point I forgot to mention.  I have in my pack as fine pardons and relics as any in England.  They bear the Pope’s seal upon them, and if any of you will kneel down and give me your offerings then you may kiss the relics and I will grant you absolution, or, if you prefer, you may buy a fresh pardon at every mile’s end, only, of course, you must make a fresh offering every time!

“It’s really very fortunate for this company that such an experienced pardoner is among you.  The risks of the road are so great that at any moment anyone may fall and break his neck, and on such occasions it’s a great help to have had one’s sins adequately pardoned.

“Come, gentle people all.  Let the Host begin.  His sins enwrap him round.  Stand forth, good Host, make your offering and kiss my relics!  Why, for a groat you may kiss them all.  Unbuckle your purse anon and begin!”

“Go to,” said the Host.  “We know your relics!  You would have me kiss your dirty old rags.  Were they in my hand, I’d fling them into a pig-trough!”

The Pardoner went white with rage, and could not answer a word; but the Host went on, “I’ll have no more dealings with you, nor with any angry man.”  We all burst out laughing, for it was obvious that the Pardoner was furious with himself for forgetting that he had exposed himself before telling his tale, and so had lost the chance of reaping money from us for his false relics.

The gentle Knight interposed.  “Sir Pardoner,” he said, “no more of this.  You were fairly answered.  And you, Sir Host, my dear friend, I pray you kiss the Pardoner, and, Pardoner, kiss him in your turn, and let us laugh and go gaily on as we did before.”  So they two kissed and were friends again, and we went on our way.