“To see the paper they have had given to them you’d think it was the storeroom of the Bailey Show.

“I ain’t saying nothing, but you just wait until those guys get through with the long-handled brushes.  They are going to give Friar Green the job of tacking cards because he is quick on his feet.  The big festival comes off next Thursday, so if you haven’t bought your seats it’s time to get busy.  It will be the one best bet in the show line this season.

“Just think, Mr. Weber and Mr. Fields are going to appear together for the first time in years.

“Honest, I am so excited over the affair that I can hardly wait.  Wilbur got two seats in the first row, and I’ll be there with new frock on, my hair in a braid and my feet in the orchestra pit.  Between the festival and the new clubhouse it’s got Charley Cook running around in circles.  And Wells Hawks is so busy doping out stuff that I saw him pass an elephant the other day without speaking to it.

“Harry Alward is working three eight-hour shifts every day, and the whole blooming gang have gone so noodley that they won’t even stop to buy me a drink, and you can take it from me that when those guys overlook a chance to do something for somebody in distress something has gone wrong, or there is a big hen on.

“What was I talking about?  Oh, yes.  Have you heard the latest gossip?  Alla McSweeney is wearing ‘Merry Widow’ cocktails on the outside of taxicabs now.  That poor dear has to swallow a sinker with everything she inhales.  And she always comes up bright and cheerful with her face to the pane waiting for the next one.  I’ve seen her go under four times in an evening, and though a little pale she is always there with the chimes when the curtain drops.

“Yes, I put on my light ones some two weeks ago.  I got jerry that there would be some class to the humidity, so I made the quick change.

“I cannot decide yet what to do for the summer.  I don’t know whether to go down to Bath Beach and take a cottage, go to the mountains or go back to Emporia for a trip.  I got run out of that hick hamlet the last time I was there, and I am afraid if I go back I might get lynched.  You can never tell what those emotional tillers of the soil are going to do next.  Why, they are just as liable to vote for Bryan as not.

“I have been invited out to Far Rockaway for a week or two.  Mr. Corse Payton is going to make his summer home out there, and if he is within a radius of ten miles I know we are slated for the one grand time.  He is so full of Iowa gallantry that he wouldn’t let even a dog go by without offering it a highball.  He’s just that soft hearted.  He’s got a young hotel out there and the bars are down for any of his friends.

“Some of us girls are talking about getting a houseboat and leading the simple.  The chances are it will fall through most everything we dope out does.  That’s the trouble with us actresses.  We get a wild idea and work it to death for a few minutes and then somebody says, ‘I’ll buy,’ and the stuff is off.  We could have lots of fun on a houseboat if it had a cool cellar.  I certainly do love to go bathing by moonlight.  It’s so romantic.