“Can you see him taking a bunch of them out on a picnic like he did in England.  Claremont or Far Rockaway for theirs, and if he didn’t come across with the big feed with the necessary liquid trimmings it would be the tar and feathers for his.  I have had several wine agents try to convert me, but I always stick to the same brand.  Let him come over and we will show him a time that will make old Pap Dowie’s reception look like a twinkle.

“At that, us chorus dames ain’t so worse.  Of course there are a bunch of shines in the aggregation, but I guess if you kept tab you would find out that about nine-tenths of them slide for home as soon as they get the cosmetic off their eyelashes.  It’s the other tenth that try to be the human night keys that crab the act for the whole works.

“There’s more dolls keeping their little sisters in convents than there is ones buying white-topped shoes.  The poor Jane has to go somewhere to make her forget the blooming show shop.

“A bunch of these high-browed clucks jump all over the villages, ladies of the court, etc., and think it’s their fault that the price of lobsters is so high.

“Maybe the price of lobsters is high, but did you ever see a chorus girl buy one for herself?

“An actress gets handed hers at every stage of the game, just because a few make the big noise.  These old cranks are always laying for a chance to get a little limelight, and they naturally make the big talk about people that are in the public eye, and those that they know nothing about.

“They should either furnish those guys with a muzzle or give them a pike at the inside of the show business so that they would either keep their trap shut or know what they are talking about.  I will admit that there are some grand wonders in this business, but that is no reason why the whole game should be crabbed, and all get the pan for the actions of a few.

“You all know that I am broad minded.  I believe that everybody should have a good time if they can keep sober.  Of course I don’t mean painfully sober, but not to get disgustingly disgusting so that they have to be dragged to the taxi.  That I call going too far, and entirely unnecessary.

“If a fluff commences to get too moist around the lamps she should either plead a headache and slide for the curled hair or throw her drinks on the floor when the host is holding hands or exchanging quips with one of the other ladies in the party.

“Drink is an awful thing, especially the next morning.  Thanks to Wilbur’s teaching, I take a spoonful of olive oil every evening before I duck the hut, so I can sit in with the best and have the seating capacity of a bonded warehouse.

“I pray thee do not breathe these little maidenish confidences, for it might make hard feeling between me and some of my gentlemen friends I have had to get checked at numerous places of refreshment.

“Wilbur is so busy getting ready for the Friars’ Festival that you can’t chase a word out of him about anything else.  Mr. Erlanger, Lee Schubert, Lew Dockstader and Fred Thompson have all kicked in for their boxes, and it is expected that a few more will realize the merits of the attraction and kick in this week.