“This machine has got a dudedad on it that prevents it from going more than ten.  Won’t you have a little drink, officer?  Just smile on the gent in the front seat; he’s right there with the distillery.  Wilbur, chase the roof off a jug of suds for the Lieutenant.  I tell you, Captain, on my honor as a lady, we are not going more that six miles an hour.  Must take us to the station!  Why, you low-down, monkey-faced excuse for a sparrow cop, would you have the crust to stand up in front of a judge and tell him that we were going faster than ten miles an hour?  If you want to get us to the station it’s a cinch you will have to push the machine.  Walk!  Not so you could notice it.  The only way you can get me there is to drag me by the hair of my head, and if you dare lay your mitts on my new marcel wave I will report you to your Commissioner, and if a certain friend of mine don’t stand strong enough with him to have you broke, I’ll eat my ostrich plume!

“Will let us go if we promise not to do it again?  Why, certainly we won’t, Sergeant.  Thank you, Lieutenant.  Here’s a little something for the Relief Fund.  Good-by, Captain.  Wilbur give the driver two bells.  The nerve of that guy thinking he could pinch me.  I’ll have you know that I am only nicked by the best cops on Broadway, and not by any high-grass constable.  Hand ’em salve, pardy, hand ’em salve.  A soft answer turneth away wrath.  If that don’t turn the trick use a brick.

“Oh, gee, there it is.  Go around and come up the other side so we can be seen from all the tables.

“Let’s take this table.  Waiter, get on the job, as these gentlemen and ladies wish to address a few remarks to you.  Oh, there’s Grace McSweeney.  Pipe the hat she is sporting.  Bum taste, it strikes me.  Who is that slob with her?  Oh, hello, dear!  I was just speaking of your new hat to Sadie.  We both admired it so.

“We were wondering how you could wear it coming up on the Subway.  I’ve found that the wind blows them all to pieces in my car.  Who’s the wop?  From Pittsburg?  Oh, is that so?  He reminds me so much of a very dear friend of mine that was sent up for life.  No, I suppose it’s not the same party, though they are as alike as two peas.  No, I don’t care to meet him.  You know one in my position cannot afford to associate with every Tom, Dick and Harry.  Must you toddle?  Good-by, dear.

“Cat!  Did you get wise to the way I slipped her the sassy roast?  Well, here’s down the Irish channel.  Varlet, fill up the flagons again.  I just love to sit here and look out at Nature and the railroad tracks and the brick scows.

“Where do we go from here?  You made me think I was back in the business.  Oh, I don’t care.  Yonkers, over in Westchester County, or we can take the ferry for Jersey if you want to go out in the wilderness.  It makes not an iota of difference to muh.  Just as long as the chauffeur stays sober.  Shall we hike?  Lets slip up the drive for a ways.  Sadie, are you ever going to have sense enough to keep your hoofs off those crackers?  Honest, I don’t believe your think tank is feeding properly.  Why don’t you blow in it and clear it out?