“There’s going to be fifty sleeping rooms and ninety-six maids, so that if the poor skirt wakes up in the morning feeling far from a well woman all she has to do is to tickle the zing-zing and the maid is right there on the job.  There is to be nineteen sound-proof parlors with two pianos in each parlor.

“While there will be a chaperon, of course, she will permit the young ladies to entertain their friends in a quiet and ladylike manner until the porter starts cleaning up the bar in the morning.  The inmates will of course be allowed to sign checks, but from visitors only cash will be accepted.

“Can you see a mob of those merry dames around that drum?  Talk about your something doing every minute!  Say, it will look like open time around that shack.  Burlesquers are canceled.  They can’t come into the home.  Well, they never have much of a home anyway, so they don’t miss much.

“Burlesque is sure one strenuous existence.  Mother made me quit.  That and the doctor telling me that I would ruin myself standing around a draughty stage in tights.  And besides those burlesque stage hands certainly are cruel.  Why, you have to put the money right in their hand before they will beat it across the alley for a can of suds.  If that ain’t cruelty I don’t know what is.  Do they think us girls would enjoy our refreshment if we have to pay for it ourselves.  Why, it hasn’t got the same flavor.  Do you think a girl lacks class when she puts salt in her beer?

“That home will be a great thing.  Imagine going home every night without wondering if your room is locked and the landlady sitting on your trunks at the top landing.  You can just flounce into your nest any old time and know that everything is right there, unless one crafty girl has bribed the chambermaid for the key.  You can never tell about those people.  Why, I know one girl who kept stealing hairs out of the different wigs in the dressing-rooms until she had enough to make a Dutch braid, and then she put on such a front and chest that she wouldn’t speak to any of the other girls should she happen to meet them socially.  I have always wanted a home, not that I haven’t been offered several, but I mean a permanent one.  But to continue about the benefit.

“Wilbur is going to manage it, and he expects to shake down enough to start us housekeeping, but, of course, that is strictly under your hat, and I pray you do not mention it.  I think we can get Mr. Erlanger to let us use the New York Theatre if we promise not to damage the fixtures.  He lets every other benefit have it and he certainly wouldn’t object to a few poor chorus girls pulling off a shindy, seeing as how they did so much for his success.

“Suppose none of us had gone on in the chorus of ‘Ben-Hur’?  Just think what would have happened.  Didn’t know there was a chorus in ‘Ben-Hur’?  Say, what are you trying to do, kid me, or just show me a good time?

“I was around yesterday trying to get some of the oldtime merry-merry who are now some of our leading actresses to appear at the benefit, but they all threw a fit at the mere mention of the fact that they had once carried a spear.  For my part I see nothing degrading in the work, even if we are held up to the gibes and chaff of some of these newspaper near-humorists.