I would fain ask these stiff-necked Patrons, Whether they would not take it ill of a Chaplain that, in his grace, after meat, should return thanks for the whole entertainment, with an exception to the dessert?  And yet I cannot but think that in such a proceeding, he would but deal with them as they deserved.

What would a Roman Catholic priest think (who is always helped first, and placed next the ladies), should he see a Clergyman giving his company the slip at the first appearance of the tarts or sweetmeats?  Would he not believe that he had the same antipathy to a candid orange or a piece of puff paste, as some have to a Cheshire cheese or a breast of mutton?

Yet to so ridiculous a height is this foolish custom grown, that even the Christmas Pie, which in its very nature is a kind of consecrated cake and a badge of distinction, is often forbidden to the Druid of the family.

Strange! that a sirloin of beef, whether boiled or roasted, when entire, is exposed to his utmost depredations and incisions; but if minced into small pieces and tossed up with plums and sugar, it changes its property; and, forsooth, it is meat for his Master!

In this Case, I know not which to censure [blame], the Patron or the Chaplain! the insolence of power, or the abjectness of dependence!

For my own part, I have often blushed to see a Gentleman, whom I knew to have more Wit and Learning than myself, and who was bred up with me at the University upon the same foot of a liberal education, treated in such an ignominious manner; and sunk beneath those of his own rank, by reason of that character which ought to bring him honour.

This deters men of generous minds from placing themselves in such a station of life; and by that means frequently excludes Persons of Quality from the improving and agreeable conversation of a learned and obsequious friend.

Mr. OLDHAM lets us know that he was affrighted from the thought of such an employment, by the scandalous sort of treatment, which often accompanies it.

Some think themselves exalted to the sky, If they light in some noble family:  Diet, a horse, and Thirty pounds a year; Besides th’ advantage of his Lordship’s ear, The credit of the business, and the State;

Are things that in a youngster’s sense sound great. Little the unexperienced wretch does know, What slavery he oft must undergo!  Who, though in silken scarf and cassock drest, Wears but a gayer livery, at best.  When dinner calls, the Implement must wait, With holy words to consecrate the meat:  But hold it, for a favour seldom known, If he be deigned the honour to sit down!  Soon as the tarts appear, “Sir CRAPE, withdraw!  These dainties are not for a spiritual maw!  Observe your distance! and be sure to stand Hard by the cistern with your cap in hand!  There, for diversion, you may pick your teeth Till the kind Voider comes for your relief.”

    Let others who, such meannesses can brook,
    Strike countenance to every Great Man’s look: 
    I rate my freedom higher!