HOST. No, sure.

PROD.  Set cock-on-hoop then; by some means, good or bad,
There is no remedy, but money must be had. 
By the body of an ox, behold here this ass,
Will be my familiar, wheresoever I pass. 
Why, goodman Crust, tell me, is there no nay,
But where I go, you must forestal my way?

TEN.  By Gog’s flesh and his flounders, sir, che hope the Queen’s highway is free for euery man! for thee as me, for me as thee, for poor Tenacity as for proud Prodigality! chill go, in the Queen’s peace, about my business.

PROD.  This way?

TEN.  Yea.

PROD.  To whom?

TEN.  To Vortune my mistress.

PROD.  Wherefore?

TEN.  That’s no matter to you.

PROD.  No matter, sir? but, by your crustship, ere you go,
’Tis a plain case, Prodigality will know: 
And therefore be round; come off, and tell me quickly.

TEN.  And thou’dst so vain know, che go for money.

PROD.  Out upon thee, villain, traitor, thief, pickpurse! 
Thou penurious knave, caterpillar, and what’s worse? 
Hast thou heard me say, that for money I went,
And couldst thou creep so closely my purpose to prevent? 
By the life I live, thou shalt die the death. 
Where shall I first begin? above or beneath? 
Say thy prayers, slave—­

VAN.  How now, my friends, what needs this variance? 
Money comes not by force, money comes by chance;
And sith at one instant you both seek for money,
Appeal both to Fortune, and then shall you try,
Whether either or neither may hit to have money.

PROD.  Gentleman, you say well:  I know not your name;
But indeed for that purpose to Fortune I came: 
For furtherance whereof if I might obtain
Your friendly help, I would quit your pain.

TEN.  I am your old acquaintance, sir, remember me.

VAN.  Thee, quoth a? for thy large offers I may not forget thee. 
You be both my friends, and therefore indifferently
I will commend you both to Fortune’s courtesy.
[To FOR.] Lady most bright, renowmed goddess fair,
Unto thy stately throne here do repair
Two suitors of two several qualities,
And qualities, indeed, that be mere contraries. 
That one is called wasteful Prodigality: 
This[389] one cleped covetous Tenacity. 
Both at once unto your royal majesty
Most humbly make their suits for money.

FOR.  Let’s hear what they can say.

PROD.  Divine goddess, behold, with all humility
For money I appeal unto thy deity;
Which, in high honour of thy majesty,
I mean to spend abroad most plentifully.

TEN.  Sweet mistress, grant to poor Tenacity
The keeping of this golden darling money: 
Chill vow to thee, so long as life shall dure,
Under strong lock and key chill keep him vast and sure.

VAN.  Nay, pleaseth then your pleasant fantasy
To hear them plead in musical harmony?