Matilda was bathed and sent back for inspection to the C.O., with a chit from O.C.  “A” Company, pointing out that, as he couldn’t initial her, he had put his office stamp on her tummy and hoped it wouldn’t rub off.

The C.O. pronounced Matilda to be moderately clean.  As she was conducting the trumpeter back to “A” Company she fell into a vat of by-products near the mess hut.  She couldn’t be washed again, as the Quartermaster had already written three scathing chits about the previous use of depot disinfectant.  Matilda spent the night licking herself clean in the detention cell.

The staff of “A” Company loved Matilda in spite of the fact that her conduct was prejudicial to good order and military discipline, and that she constantly used abusive language to her superiors.  Even the Company Sergeant-Major loved her.  He might have loved her still, but ... and that’s the story.

Brown was the depot nuisance.  He had a conduct sheet filled up in red and black, and his entries would have been even more numerous if he had not possessed a great gift of cunning.  He had had several passages of arms with the C.S.M. of “A” Company and had emerged unscathed more than once.

On the occasion of this story Brown was being tried for using abusive language to a superior officer, to wit, the said C.S.M.  The abusive language consisted of one very striking epithet.  The charge was read over to Brown, and the C.S.M. was called upon to give evidence.  He stepped smartly forward.  Matilda loitered between his legs ... and then, I regret to say, the C.S.M. applied the same epithet to Matilda that Brown had applied to him.

The case was reluctantly dismissed, and Matilda is out of favour with the C.S.M.

* * * * *

“It was my first experience of a sandstorm, and I can tell you that the sensation was a most terrible one.  With the aid of my assistants I got off the camel, which immediately stretched itself in the sand, and moistening my handkerchief pushed it across my face.”

    Sydney Herald (N.S.W.).

Wise and dexterous creature!  We presume it drew the moisture from its internal reservoir.

* * * * *

    “The second cook, who is an American citizen, managed when the
    Germans ordered the lifeboats to be given up to hide one under
    his raincoat.”—­Western Mail.

One of the collapsible sort, no doubt.

* * * * *

“Some very daring entrances were forced into these fortresses.  One single soldier not directly concerned with the attack found 20 bottles of champagne in one, drank a glass or two, and went forward to seek for others.  Squeezing into one he discovered a German officer in bed.”—­Daily Mail.

It must have been a bantam who thought of this ingenious ruse.