I looked at the man awhile in solid astonishment; then I says—­

“Now, I hope you don’t take it as an offence, for I don’t mean any, but really, for a man that has been in the Kingdom as long as I reckon you have, you do seem to know powerful little about its customs.”

“Its customs!” says he.  “Heaven is a large place, good friend.  Large empires have many and diverse customs.  Even small dominions have, as you doubtless know by what you have seen of the matter on a small scale in the Wart.  How can you imagine I could ever learn the varied customs of the countless kingdoms of heaven?  It makes my head ache to think of it.  I know the customs that prevail in those portions inhabited by peoples that are appointed to enter by my own gate—­and hark ye, that is quite enough knowledge for one individual to try to pack into his head in the thirty-seven millions of years I have devoted night and day to that study.  But the idea of learning the customs of the whole appalling expanse of heaven—­O man, how insanely you talk!  Now I don’t doubt that this odd costume you talk about is the fashion in that district of heaven you belong to, but you won’t be conspicuous in this section without it.”

I felt all right, if that was the case, so I bade him good-day and left.  All day I walked towards the far end of a prodigious hall of the office, hoping to come out into heaven any moment, but it was a mistake.  That hall was built on the general heavenly plan—­it naturally couldn’t be small.  At last I got so tired I couldn’t go any farther; so I sat down to rest, and begun to tackle the queerest sort of strangers and ask for information, but I didn’t get any; they couldn’t understand my language, and I could not understand theirs.  I got dreadfully lonesome.  I was so down-hearted and homesick I wished a hundred times I never had died.  I turned back, of course.  About noon next day, I got back at last and was on hand at the booking-office once more.  Says I to the head clerk—­

“I begin to see that a man’s got to be in his own Heaven to be happy.”

“Perfectly correct,” says he.  “Did you imagine the same heaven would suit all sorts of men?”

“Well, I had that idea—­but I see the foolishness of it.  Which way am I to go to get to my district?”

He called the under clerk that had examined the map, and he gave me general directions.  I thanked him and started; but he says—­

“Wait a minute; it is millions of leagues from here.  Go outside and stand on that red wishing-carpet; shut your eyes, hold your breath, and wish yourself there.”

“I’m much obliged,” says I; “why didn’t you dart me through when I first arrived?”

“We have a good deal to think of here; it was your place to think of it and ask for it.  Good-by; we probably sha’n’t see you in this region for a thousand centuries or so.”

“In that case, o revoor,” says I.