and when command is given, publish the same.  But, unworthy creature, I often deprive myself and others of seasons of good through my negligence and barrenness.  When will the time come when I can say, all earthly things are under my feet, and the cause of religion and virtue rules predominant in my heart!  Lord, hasten the day; and preserve my feet in thy path in the midst of many snares; and rather let me die than be suffered to do anything which would dishonor thy gracious and holy Name, and the profession I am making of thee before the world.  Loose my bands, and enable me to say in sincerity of heart, I am willing to serve thee freely.

With the cause for self-condemnation, which is alluded to in this entry was no doubt connected the neglect to keep up his Diary; no entry occurs for more than five months previous.  It was probably much more difficult in the position which he occupied in Germany to maintain a spirit of watchfulness and self-recollection than among his more experienced Friends in Yorkshire.  There is an allusion to this in an entry of a little later date.

7 mo. 8.—­My mind feels a little more gathered than it has been for some time past; but the little outward difficulties which are continually arising have a great tendency to disperse the best feelings.  I think it is almost the greatest lesson that we have to learn, to stand so fast in times of trouble as not to suffer loss.  If we would so conduct ourselves that the change of times and seasons should not have such an unfavorable influence on our minds, this would be one great point gained; it would enable us to meet the difficulties of the day in a better state to combat with them.

But if daily trials abounded of a nature the most likely to retard his spiritual progress, we shall see that He who had appointed his lot, provided in his faithfulness the needful corrective, and by the discipline of filial fear in the ministry of the word, kept him safe in his sanctuary.

The attendance of visitors at the meeting-house was often numerous, although it was seldom that they remained during the whole time of worship.  Meetings of this kind were very trying to John Yeardley’s faith and feelings; but sometimes they were seasons of heavenly blessing such abundantly to make amends for past humiliation.

7 mo. 6.—­To-day the small meeting-house and passage were quite filled with strangers, and I was told many went away who could not get in, and some remained under the windows.  No creature on earth knows what my poor mind suffers when I go to meeting under such circumstances.  Many whom curiosity brings in the expectation to hear words may some times be disappointed, but I hope there are some whose intentions are sincere, and who are desirous to be informed the way to Zion.  I hope strength was afforded me to preach Christ crucified.  O that the Lord may support me in these very trying seasons, and take from me the fear of man, and fill my heart with a holy fear of offending Him whom I humbly trust I am desirous of choosing to be my Lord and Master.