I felt myself in such a resigned frame of mind in our little week-day meeting, that I could not doubt the time was fully come for me to be relieved from that state of unspeakable oppression which my poor mind had been held in for so many years past.  Soon after I took my seat, my mind became unusually calm, and the presence of the Most High seemed so to abound in my heart and spread over the meeting, that after some inward conflict I was unavoidably constrained publicly to express it, in nearly the following words:  “I think I have so sensibly felt the precious influence of divine love to overshadow our little gathering, that I have been ready to say, It is good for us to be here; or I might rather say, It is good for us to feel ourselves under the precious influence of that protecting power which can alone preserve us from the snares of death.”  This first [public] act of submission to the divine will was done with as much stability of mind and body as I was capable of; and I thought the Friends present seemed sensible of my situation and sympathized with me under the exercise.  I trust the sweet peace which I afterwards felt was a seal to my belief that I had been favored with divine compassion and approbation in the needful time.

In the Fifth Month John Yeardley attended for the first time the Yearly Meeting in London.  He describes the business as very various and instructive, but bewails his own condition as that of “one starving in the midst of every good thing.”

It seemed at times, he says, as though Satan himself was let loose upon me, and permitted to try my faith and patience to the utmost; but I hope the conflict had its use in teaching me to know that it is not by might, nor by power, but by the Lord’s Spirit, that we are enabled to prevail.

This was the commencement of another season of spiritual poverty.  In reading a few of his memoranda during this time, many a Christian traveller may see his own mourning countenance reflected as in a glass.

11 mo. 8.—­I have for a long time felt so depressed in spirit, and so inwardly stripped of every appearance of good, that I have often secretly had to say with tried Job, “O that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me!”

16_th_.—­Death and darkness are still the covering of my poor mind, and I am ashamed to acknowledge that I have for months past sat meeting after meeting a victim to the baneful consequences of wandering thoughts, scarcely being able to recollect myself so much as to ask excuse of Him who sees in secret.  In these times of deepest desertion I am selfish enough to feel a longing desire for a ray of light or a smile from the countenance of Him, under whose banner I have many times sat with the greatest delight in days that are past.

O, how hard it is to regain divine favor when once sacrificed through the sorrowful act of disobedience!  O may I sit as in dust and ashes, and, with the noble resignation and spirit of a true, dedicated follower, say, I will patiently hear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him!