When Goyenor HOFFMAN visits the home of his childhood days, a spontaneous bust of friendship throws her lovin embrace about him.

When a few sundry other peeple, whose names shall be nameless in this communication, have arroven to their long home on tother side of the River Sticks, they will get a recepshen so warm, that, settin on top a red hot koal stove and sokin their feet in a kittle full of b’iling water, will be full as cheerin to ’em as a Mint Jewlip is to an inhabitant of the Equinoxial line.

Recepshens and presentashens bein the order of the day, I took it into my head, a short time since, to have my feller sitizens of Skeansboro’ give me some of it.

Consekently I hired 1/2 dozen of my nabors, whom I supposed wouldent make turnal fools of their selves, to call at the Old Green manshon with a crowd of peeple, at the hour when I was supposed to be to bed, for the purpuss of presentin me with a silver tea sarvice, which our Joowiler had lent me for the occasion.  I writ up an impromptu speech, and practiced it for over a week, out in my barn, so as to be reddy for the cerprise.

My 3 oldest darters had agreed to be dressed up in white, representen the 3 graces—­Faith, Hope, & Charity—­and arrangin their selfs in a tabloo in the back parler, they was to throw open the foldin doors at a signal from me.  I also tride to get my wife to rig up; says she: 

“Me rig up?  No, sir!  I wouldent encourage sich a lot of tom foolery to save your consarned neck.  And I know of a sartin Old Noosants who’l ketch Hail Columbia if he musses up these ere parlers to freely.”

The noosants referred to was no doubt the undersined; I know it was.

Mariar was allers full of pet names, and this was one of them.

When she called me pet names, I dident stop to argue with her.  It is no use; shee’l allers have the last word, if she sets up all nite for a week for it.  You mite just as well try to make Bosting fokes think the hul United States don’t resolve around Masserchussetts Bay and Bosting Common once every 24 times an hour, as to undertake to stop a womans clack when she gets on a talkin fit.

The appinted nite came, and I was standin behind the winder curten, peekin out the upper hall winder, anxiusly awaitin the arrival of the crowd.

All of a sudden a percession, hove in site, headed by a drum and fife.  Their onsartin way of marchin, by gettin their legs mixed all up together, made me think that by the time they got up to my house, the painful duty would devolve on to me of goin down and getten their legs ontangled.

The fifer was continually mistakin his head for a drum stick, as he fell over and let it strike vilently agin the sheep skin head of the base drum.  Whilst the drummer, hisself, was mistakin evry bodys head for his musikle instrument, as he dealt out blows rite and left, to all who come within hittin distance of his intossicated drum sticks.