Well, sir, the keeper who trained the ourang outang took me in hand, and in an hour I was perfect, I had rubber feet and wore black gloves, and had a tail fastened with a safety pin, that would deceive the oldest showman in the business.  When the crowd was the biggest, in the middle ring, the keeper led me out of the dressing room with a chain.  The announcement was made by the barker that Dennis, the educated ourang outang, that had performed before crowned heads in Europe and sapheads in Newport, the only man-monkey in the known world, would now entertain the most select audience that had ever been under the tent.  Then I was dragged into the ring and put on the platform.

[Illustration:  The Keeper Who Trained the Ourang outang Took Me in Hand.]

They didn’t put on my dress clothes at first, but had a little screen on the platform for me to go behind to dress, and I appeared first in the natural state of the ourang outang, with a suit of buffalo robe stuff that looked exactly like a big monkey.  I bowed and the audience cheered, and I stood on my hands and scratched at an imaginary flea, and pa, who was leaning against the platform, whispered to me that I was making the hit of the season.

Then the attendants set the table and the keeper took me behind the screen and dressed me, and the old fool forgot to put on my tail.  He led me out and I sat up to the table, hitched up my cuffs, put a napkin under my chin, took a knife and fork and began to eat, just like a human being.  The audience cheered, and the circus people crowded around and said I was just as good as Dennis himself.  I went through the whole of Dennis’ performance and never skipped a note, until a smart white man yelled:  “Where is the tail of your ourang outang?” and the crowd began to be suspicious, and more than a thousand yelled.  “There is no tail on your monkey.”

That rattled the trainer and he remembered that he had forgotten to pin the tail on me, so while I was using the finger bowl he went to the screen and got the tail and came out and was pinning it on to my dress pants, when the audience began to yell:  “Fraud!  Fraud!  Kill the monk!” and a lot of stuff.

Then pa got on a barrel the elephants had been performing on and got the attention of the audience and told them not to be unreasonable.  He said the management had found by experience that after the ourang outang had been trained to eat like a man and wear men’s clothes, that his tail was in the way, so at a great expense the management had caused Dennis’ tail to be amputated at a New York hospital, and while we always carry the tail along, it was only used when a critical audience demanded it, but if this refined audience so desired the tail would be attached to the intelligent animal.