Tino.  I’ve done a bit myself in that line and I know it doesn’t pay.

C.  P. I daresay I shall do it when my time comes.

Tino.  If it ever comes.

C.  P. If it depended on me alone things would go all right.  I’m told the people like me, and even the Socialists swear by me.

Tino.  How can you believe such nonsense?  I tried to act on that principle and here I am.  And poor Russian NICKIE has had an even worse fall—­all through believing he had the people on his side.

C.  P. Well, but I know they’re all fond of me; but my All-Highest One may get knocked out before I get my chance, and may carry me down with him.

Tino.  Well, we must try to bear up, even if he should go the way NICKIE has gone.  In the meantime the War doesn’t look particularly promising, does it?

C.  P. It certainly doesn’t; and the Americans will be at our throats directly.  Do you know, I never thought very much of HINDENBURG.

Tino.  I suppose you know someone who is younger and could do it much better.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SOMEWHERE UP NORTH.

Naval Officer (to native).  “CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE GOLF COURSE IS?”

Native.  “YOU’RE ON THE FIRST GREEN THE NOO.  YON’S THE FLAG OWER THE BACK O’ THAT STANE.”]

* * * * *

    “The difference between the classical Arabic and the colloquial
    is far greater than that between the Greek of Cicero and the
    Greek of, let us say, M. Gounaris.”—­The Near East.

Of course there is also the difference of accent.  CICERO spoke Greek with a slight Roman accent and M. GOUNARIS speaks it with a strong German one.

* * * * *

    “Two van-loads of shrapnel bullets were stopped by detectives
    in Prospect Street, Rotherhithe.”—­Morning Paper.

Tough fellows, these detectives.  Stopping a single bullet would put most men out of action.

* * * * *

    “Wanted, Cottage or two Double-bedded Rooms, in country river,
    20-30 miles from Birmingham, first fortnight of
    August.”—­Daily Post (Birmingham).

So convenient for friends to drop in.

* * * * *

    “If the latest air raid does not make the British bull-dog show
    his talons in a way that we have up till now wished he might
    never do, well nothing will.”—­Berwick Journal.

With his new pedal equipment the British bull-dog should give the German eagle pause.

* * * * *

We are asked to state that a recently published work on Beds and Hunts (METHUEN) is not a companion-volume to Minor Horrors of War.