CHARIVARIA.

“It is more dangerous to be a baby in London than a soldier in France,” said Mrs. H. B. Irving at the National Baby Week Exhibition.  The same disability—­namely, middle-age—­has prevented us from taking up either of these perilous roles.

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L.C.C. tram-tickets, says a news item, are now thinner.  Other means of increasing the space available for passengers are also under consideration.

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Over one thousand penny dreadfuls were found in the possession of a boy of sixteen who was sentenced to three months’ imprisonment for theft.  The commonplace nature of the sentence has disgusted the lad.

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The report that Mr. Charles Chaplin had signed a contract to serve in the British Army at 1s. 1d. a day is denied.

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As an outcome of Baby Week the Anti-Comforter League has been formed.  The suggestion that Mr. Hogge, M.P., would make an admirable first President has not been followed up.

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Humanitarians who have been urging the Government not to stain its hands with the more painful forms of reprisal, have received a nasty shock.  A German spy has been arrested in London!

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The rubber cushions of billiard tables are now being taken by the German military authorities.  Meanwhile the enemy Press continues to take its cue from Hindenburg.

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A notorious Petrograd anarchist is reported to be ill, and has been ordered to take a complete rest by his doctor.  He has therefore decided not to throw any bombs for awhile at least.

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Further evidence of the Eastern talent for adopting Western ideas and improving on them comes from China, where the ex-Emperor HSUAN Tung has celebrated Baby Week by issuing a decree announcing his return to the Throne.

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“The only plumber, electrician, hot-water-fitter, gas-fitter, bell-hanger, zinc-worker, blacksmith and locksmith we have left”—­such was an employer’s description of a C1 workman.  We understand that the War Office will mobilise him as a special corps as soon as they can think of a sufficiently comprehensive title for him.

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Several milkmen have reduced their prices from sixpence to fivepence.  Other good results from the timely rains are expected.

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A miner, fined one pound for wasting bread, was said to have thrown his dinner—­a mutton chop, onion sauce, and two slices of bread—­on the fire because he could not have potatoes.  There is a strong feeling that the Censor should prohibit publication of these glaring cases of hardship on the ground that they are likely to encourage the Germans to prolong the War.

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Large quantities of food have been carried off by a burglar from several houses in the Heathfield district.  Knowing our War bread, we are confident that it did not give in without a struggle.