ORDER OF PROCESSION.

Cordon of Police. 
Drum. 
Committee of Arrangements. 
Fife. 
Target Company. 
Drum and Fife. 
Small boys. 
Apple-women. 
Drum.

The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the stand.  He rushed forward and said:—­

“The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former speech some subtle or carefully worded innuendoes as to my character.  I have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood.  I will trespass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal bummer and a sneak.  If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then I am.  (Indignant cries of ‘That’s so!’) My friends, you cannot doubt this reasoning.  The facts are then conclusive.  Either he is a bummer, or I am.  It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States.” (Prolonged cheering.)

Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech.

“Fellow-citizens!  Men and Brothers!  Victory or defeat!  Liberty or death!  Glorious republic!  Stars and Stripes!  Down with the traitor!  To the polls!  Red fire—­blood and thunder”—­(voice drowned in shouts of wild enthusiasm.)

The Eye-witness, meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts.  Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a member of the Right Party.  Being, however, open to conviction, he had unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him.  In this awful crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne.  The Eye-witness thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below:  “Where’s the Right Man?  I belong to the Right Party.  I want to hear the Right Man!!”

At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces.  The Enlightened, together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had lingered on the scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices and groaned.  The groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of sticks, stones, whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs.  The Eye-witness closed the window with an undignified bang, and retired into the depths of his chamber, where he remained until after the election.  Owing to a dimness of vision, resulting from the eggs-cruciating condition of his ocular organs, the occupation of the Eye-witness was from that moment gone.  And to this fact must be attributed his inability to state, with any certainty, whether the Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right Man in the Right Place; but he rather thinks it has.

* * * * *

Spots on the Sun.

The Sun is eclipsed by the World, and is far behind the Times. It cannot be considered a Standard sheet, and will never personify the Star newspaper.  Receiving its News with the Mail, as a Herald it is valueless.  It cannot claim to be a Journal of Commerce, and as a Tribune for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine as a Democrat, for it relies on the Post for most of its intelligence.