A Portrait of Woodford as a General:—­

    “That never set a squadron in the field,
    Nor the division of a battle knows.”

    Othello, Act 1, Sc. 1.

Punchinello to Gov.  Seymour:—­

    “HORATIO, thou art e’en as just a man
    As e’er my conversation coped withal.”

    Hamlet, Act 3, Sc. 2.

* * * * *

PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Nux Vomica. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall gun?

Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be connected with the Tribune.  As for the “needall” gun, we should define it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, powder, ball, or anything else.

O.D.V. Yes:  a man may die of delirium tremens produced by drinking too much French wine.  If the wine should happen to be Chateau Margot, the verdict of a Coroner’s Jury would probably be—­“died of a margot on the brain.”

Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture known as “Killikinnick”?

Answer. Some authorities derive it from a story about an old Canadian having smoked himself to death with it, and spell it “Kill a Kannuck.”  Others spell it “Kill a Cynic,” and believe that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philosophy, died of a surfeit of the article.

Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, and did it not lead to an insurrection?

Answer. No tax on fires that we ever heard of.  You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls mentioned by GRAY.

Simon Succotash. The expression to “wind a horn” is frequently used.  Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what sort of key do they use?

Answer. Try the key of A Flat:  you are sure to have it.

Pump-Handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earthquake?

Answer. Yes:  we are acquainted with persons who can sleep soundly upon any kind of shake-down.

Philander. What is the best way of testing a horse’s temper?

Answer. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, just dash him at one and try.

Gorman Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat sausages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day.  We decline to answer your other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with sausages on Thanksgiving Day.  It is irrelevant.

Caspar Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands instead of feet?

Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course.

John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club.  What am I to do?