He took me to see the soljers drill.

“Thems the Marines,” said he, pintin to the bloo cotes.

“Sho! you don’t say?” says I.  “Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told ’em?”

“Yes,” says the Dr.; “anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines.”

I mite okepy your hul paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: 

That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the cuttin of a good fat loaf.  That’s wisdom which will wash.

Ewers,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

Lait Gustise of the Peece.

* * * * *

SIMILE USED UP.

We regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one BECHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen ’em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, “As different as Chalk and Cheese.”  The difference is gone!  If it is not, we would ask, where is it?

It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind.  We have heard of “prepared chalk.”  It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer.  We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity.

At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristics—­which they did not, till M. BECHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope.

’Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going.  One by one are they Be-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty.  Why, we expect to be told, ere long,—­and have it proved to us,—­that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese.  And there will go another fond comparison!  Nay, more;—­perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,—­with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively inside.—­Si sic Omnes.

* * * * *

To Our Youthful Friends.

We wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerful.  If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine moustache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish:  “Un cabello haze sombra”—­“The least hair makes a shadow.”  Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip.  If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing!

* * * * *

“Done Brown.”

“TOM BROWN” is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (’ughes).

* * * * *

[Illustration:  REAL HARDSHIP.