MATADOR.

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POISONING THE PLUGS.

A Rampant Virginia editor proposes to kill off the Yankees by putting poison in chewing-tobacco, so that we shall meet mortality in mastication, fate in fine-cut, and perdition in the soothing plug!  In short, Virginia not having got the best of it in political quiddities, this pen-patriot is for trying the other kind.  The short-sightedness of this policy will be evident, when we remember how many Republicans consider the weed to be the abomination of desolation.  Virginia might poison chewing-tobacco till the crack of doom, but what effect would that have upon the eschewing (not chewing) GREELEY, who, even if he used it, has bitten T(he) WEED so many times that he can consider himself poison-proof.  When, moreover, this LUCRETIA BORGIA in pantaloons remembers that his scheme might prove more fatal to his friends than his enemies, perhaps he will take rather a larger quid than usual, and grow benevolent under its bland influences.

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FIRM AS A ROCK.

All the newspapers are full of descriptions of the earthquake of the 20th of October, and of the panic thereby occasioned.  We are proud to state, although massive buildings quivered and great cities were scared, that Mr. PUNCHINELLO was not in the least shaken.  At the moment of the quake (11h. 26m.  A.M.) he must have been seated upon his drum partaking of a lunch of sandwiches and small beer.  He did not perceive the slightest reverberation, nor did the drum give the least vibratory sign.  Mr. PUNCHINELLO has prepared a most elaborate and scientific paper, giving a full and elaborate and intensely scientific description of the various phenomena which he did not perceive, and which he proposes to read before any scientific associations which may invite him to do so.  Terms, $50 and expenses.

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[Illustration:  THE PREVAILING DISORDER.

Planet (responsively).  “WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH ME, EH?—­GOT THE FEVER AND EARTHQUAKER—­GOT ’EM BAD.”]

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EDITOR’S DRAWER.

OH YES!  PUNCHINELLO has an Editor’s Drawer, and a very nice one, too.  (As no allusion is here made to any of the artists of the paper, you needn’t be getting ready to laugh.) This Drawer—­and no periodical in the country possesses a better one—­is chock full of the most splendid anecdotes, and as it is impossible to keep them shut up any longer (for some of them are getting very old and musty), a few of the bottom ones will now be given to the public.

A GENTLEMAN just returned from a tour in Western Asia sends to the Drawer the following account of a little bit of pleasantry which took place in the gala town of South Amboy:—­