Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place.

A most horrible position to occupy in respect to one’s neighbors.

But the Deacon was a genius in his way.  Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deakon K——­ be appointed Postmaster of M——.  In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers.

The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the editorial staff of the Sun.  The End.

Trusting, my dear ’NELLO, you will give me a good setting-up, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain,

Yours in fun,

S. R. DEEN.

* * * * *

TIMELY.

They now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases.  There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well.

* * * * *

HEAVY.

There is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successful.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.

WHEN YOU HAVE NEW DRESSES OR BONNETS TO SHOW, ALWAYS GO LATE TO CHURCH, SO THAT THERE MAY BE A FULL CONGREGATION TO PLAY OFF YOUR AIRS AND GRACES UPON.]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCHINELLO’S POLITICAL MANUAL.

I. QUALIFICATIONS OF A VOTER.

Now and then Mr. PUNCHINELLO has noticed (with infinite scorn and contempt) all the stuff and nonsense published in the newspapers about registry and inspection, about citizenship and twenty-one years of age, and other games and devices of that soft sort.  The qualifications of a voter may be stated with severe and scientific accuracy, as follows:—­

Ubiquity.—­By this is to be understood the power, not of being, but of belonging in from six to twelve Wards at the same time.  Analogous to this is the capacity of being at once a subject of VICTORIA REGINA and a loyal citizen of the United States—­a talent most exquisitely developed in the Hibernian nature.

Receptivity.—­This may be divided into two classes, as follows:—­

1.  The material power, which is that of receiving from any candidate any sum of money which, the said ass of a candidate may be willing to pay for a vote.

2.  The spiritual power, which is that of imbibing, at the expense of the aforesaid candidate, any number of fluid pounds of anything good to take, whether the same may be punches, cock-tails, smashes, slings, or plain drinks.