“PUBLISHER OF PUNCHINELLO.  This gentleman’s income does not exceed $350,000 per annum.  He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville.  It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers.  All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation.  Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restaurant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass.”

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“ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE.”

MR. PUNCHINELLO:  I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you.  Having, for a period of six months, “honorably and persistently,” (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distinguished regards.  Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver fire-shovel.  This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general.

Now, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me?  I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three-quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, especially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar and I have no use for a shovel and tongs—­particularly silver ones.

Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE KNEA.

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Roaming Troops.

The Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy.  But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged.

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Subject for a Debating Society.

Can a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny?

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[Illustration:  A CHEERFUL PROSPECT.

THE MORNING HAVING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL HIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY.  HE ARRIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO WALK.]