Their wonderful congeniality and quiet happiness became the subject of wonder to their friends, and of comment and speculation to the village gossips.  Her oleaginous and feather-bed-like disposition compelled peace, as oil upon the waves, and shed trouble as a duck sheds water.  JACK and his complainings never troubled her; she merely laughed when he groaned, and offered to rub his back.  But he, fearing the ponderosity of her hand, rarely submitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not risk it.

Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here.  Suffice it to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the benefit of posterity.  That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK SPRAT and his wife.

* * * * *

AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION

Scene.  A Lunch Counter.

Customer. “Waiter, do you call this a milk toast?—­why, there’s no milk to be seen.”

Waiter. “Milk all gone into the toast, sir.”

Customer. “But there’s no toast to speak of.”

Waiter. “Toast all gone into the milk, sir.”

Customer. “Ah, ha!—­there’s an idea in that, by Jove.  I’ll go straight home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption.”

Waiter. “Yes, sir.  Don’t forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir!”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES.

Young Patriot. “GIMME THREE CENTS WORTH O’ CHESTNUTS.”

Female Broker. “D’ YER WANT EYETALIAN ONES?”

Y.  P. “NO, DARN YER—­GIMME AMERICAN ONES.”]

* * * * *

COUNT BISMARCK’S ACCOUNT.

BISMARCK’S insolence is really becoming dangerous.  He can deny and contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassadors, Kings, or by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to interest us.  Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of persons of this kidney.  But he has actually had the audacity to deny the truthfulness of the report by RUSSELL to the Times of a conversation held between them.  If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next be denying—­his conversation! with the Tribune “special,” as reported by that ubiquitous observer.  What will there be for the world to believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers?

* * * * *

A Con. for the Vatican.

Why is VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk?  Because he is now said to be “a tool in the hands of the Reds.”