I

She was very old, and therefore it was very hard for her to make up her mind to die.  I am aware that this is not at all the general view, but that it is believed, as old age must be near death, that it prepares the soul for that inevitable event.  It is not so, however, in many cases.  In youth we are still so near the unseen out of which we came, that death is rather pathetic than tragic,—­a thing that touches all hearts, but to which, in many cases, the young hero accommodates himself sweetly and courageously.  And amid the storms and burdens of middle life there are many times when we would fain push open the door that stands ajar, and behind which there is ease for all our pains, or at least rest, if nothing more.  But age, which has gone through both these phases, is apt, out of long custom and habit, to regard the matter from a different view.  All things that are violent have passed out of its life,—­no more strong emotions, such as rend the heart; no great labors, bringing after them the weariness which is unto death; but the calm of an existence which is enough for its needs, which affords the moderate amount of comfort and pleasure for which its being is now adapted, and of which there seems no reason that there should ever be any end.  To passion, to joy, to anguish, an end must come; but mere gentle living, determined by a framework of gentle rules and habits—­why should that ever be ended?  When a soul has got to this retirement and is content in it, it becomes very hard to die; hard to accept the necessity of dying, and to accustom one’s self to the idea, and still harder to consent to carry it out.

The woman who is the subject of the following narrative was in this position.  She had lived through almost everything that is to be found in life.  She had been beautiful in her youth, and had enjoyed all the triumphs of beauty; had been intoxicated with flattery, and triumphant in conquest, and mad with jealousy and the bitterness of defeat when it became evident that her day was over.  She had never been a bad woman, or false, or unkind; but she had thrown herself with all her heart into those different stages of being, and had suffered as much as she enjoyed, according to the unfailing usage of life.  Many a day during these storms and victories, when things went against her, when delights did not satisfy her, she had thrown out a cry into the wide air of the universe and wished to die.  And then she had come to the higher table-land of life, and had borne all the spites of fortune,—­had been poor and rich, and happy and sorrowful; had lost and won a hundred times over; had sat at feasts, and kneeled by deathbeds, and followed her best-beloved to the grave, often, often crying out to God above to liberate her, to make an end of her anguish, for that her strength was exhausted and she could bear no more.  But she had borne it and lived through all; and now had arrived at a time when all strong