Such a man, I knew, woulden’t lie about seein’ me drop that pocket-book.  I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morrils, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, haden’t the least objection to anybody else bein’ on their beat.  He wasen’t lookin’ our way, but was star-gazin’, seein’ if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink.

“You are sure you saw me drop this wallet?” said I, addressin’ the President of the Penny-antee Society.

“I’le take my affidavy on it,” said he.

I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket-book.

“Mrs. GREEN!  Mrs. GREEN!” soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin’ as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, “if you could only see your old man now, methinks you’d feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin’ last spring, so he coulden’t go and attend a barn raisin’.  Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile.”

I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin.  I was very much agitated.  The wallet was soon opened; when—­

“Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us!” was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadn’t gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax.

For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon.

I rusht madly into the street, runnin’ into an old apple woman, nockin’ her “gally west.”

I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin’: 

“Murder!  Thieves!  Robbers!”

The Policemen scattered, while a crowd of ragged urchins colected about me.  “My youthful vagabones,” roared I, as loud as I could scream, “bring along your stuffed wallets.  The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on call.—­If you are lookin’ for a greenhorn, I’me your man.”

I then broke my umbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a $100 if he’d send me to a loonatic asilum.

Seein’ a sine on the opposite corner which read:  “Weigher’s Office,” I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: 

“Captin, I’ve been litened.  If you’ve got such a thing as a pair of apothecary’s scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers.”

I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cote tails, and haulin’ me back, sot me down into a cheer.

I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how I’de been swindled, and asked him what I had better do.

“Do?” said he, laffin’ as if heed bust.  “My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acc’t of seein’ the elefant.”

It hain’t often I git took in, but that time I was swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if I’de been buttered all over.

I don’t intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little adventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I hain’t thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: