Ploughboy finds the following remark in Mr. GREELEY’S thirtieth What, and asks explanation.

“So with regard to Carrots.  I have never achieved success in growing these nor Beets.”

We infer that the meaning is, With regard to carrots, sow them.  “These nor Beets” are probably a new variety.  They may have come from Norfolk, but more “presumably” they were found in Alaska.

Metaphysician, Cloudland.—­Your article on the “Psychical Basis of Objective Existence” is excellent.  Look out for it in the “Juvenile Department” of our Christmas number.

Grammarian.—­The expression “We ain’t got none” is manifestly incorrect.  It has two negatives.  “We ain’t got any” is by far more elegant.

Wager says that A. made a bet with B. that he could cut a dime in two at one stroke of his pen-knife, C. to hold the stakes.  A. took a ten-cent “scrip” and chopped it in two with his blade.  Meantime C. walked away with the stake money.  Who won? Answer.—­The bet is off.  C. is also off, but no better, and neither A. or B. is any better off.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  NOTES ON THE FERRY.

Gushington, (with the pipe.) “SHE SMILED ON ONE OF US, I’LL SWEAR.”

Spindle.  “PERHAPS; BUT WHAT’S A SMILE?  A POSITIVE NOD FOR ME, OR NOTHING!”]

* * * * *

AERATED VERBIAGE.

An Every-day Romance.

CHAPTER I.

In a room in a palatial tenement house in Avenue D, stood GILBERT FERNANDE FROU FROU SNOGGS.  G.F.F.F.S. was rampant.

“Why?” you say.

Gentle reader, hurry me not.  Let the tale wag on.  She was talking to her mamma.

“Now,” said G.F.F.F.S., “I prognosticated that my maternal relative would become oblivions of my reiterated solicitations to perambulate the Avenue, and make the acquisition of four yards of cerulean hued ribbon,” and she stamped her tiny number eights on the floor.

You will notice that, even in her anger, she did not forget her English.

“You can purchase it on the morrow,” replied her mamma.

“I will not remain acquiescent.  I will promenade upon my profluence to Sixth Avenue, and purchase the ceruleous ribbon immediately,” said G.F.F.F.S., putting on her waterproof and sun-bonnet.

Her mother pointed to the paternal turnip, which hung over the mantel, and showed her that old Time was “doing stunts” at 10-1/2.

But G.F.F.F.S. was obstinate.  She put on her chignon, her curls, her breast elevator, her bustle, her high-heeled shoes, a little rouge, a little whiting and a bit of court-plaster, and sallied forth, down the dumb-waiter to the cellar, and thence, through the ash-hole, to the street.

CHAPTER II.

The deed was done!!!  The purchase was made find G.F.F.F.S. walked towards her palatial paternal mansion.  She felt slightly timid, for, as she looked at the heavens, she saw that ARCTURUS, who had been playing tag with CASTOR and POLLUX all the evening, had reached hunk, the Great Bear.  From the astronomical knowledge which she had acquired at the Vavasour Female Academy, she knew that the paternal turnip now pointed to the witching hour of 11-1/2.