At the above juncture of the proceedin’s, the Cardiff Jiant, who is spendin’ the summer at this selebrated waterin’ place, entered the room.

The old feller had heard of this grate Fossil Convenshun.

As the distinguished fraud entered the room, cheers filled the air.

Members in exstasy jumped up onto the benches—­stood on their heads—­threw their false teeth all about the floor, and acted like a lot of Rocky Mountain injuns, chock full of New England rum.

Silents was restored by tossin’ a live man to the exsited Amazons, whom they tore to peeces, partly satisfyin’ their cravin’ appetites.

Old GIPSUM then oratoricised as viz.: 

“Feller Fossils:  This is indeed the most momentous event I’ve attended since I left Onondagar.

“When COTTON MATHER came over in the Grate Eastern, he sent out a dove to see if the Pilgrims, would allow her to pick any flowers off of Plymouth Rock.

“What was the result of that experiment?

“Why, the dove coulden’t find any rest for the soul of her shoo; for Plymouth Rocks were thicker than Cardiff Jiants.  That base man, BARNUM, had taken plaster casts of the old rock, and there wasen’t a town along the coast, but what had its ‘original Plymouth Rock.’

“The dove, not bein’ a good judge of genuine stuns, made her “Shoo fly” back to the old ark, and told her tail.  Therefore, I ask as a personal favor, seein’ that BARNUM sarved me same’s he did old Plymouth Rock, that when this august assemblage of Fossilized human bein’s comes down onto the mail portion of the U. States, old P.T. be turned over to us.  I’le make him think he’s got straddle his wooly hoss, and an army of mermades was after him with red hot pitchforks.

“Grant me this favor, and when the fite of the Amazons begins, you can count on me to hold your bonnets.”

Amid tremenjus applaus old Fort Dodger squatted.

Letters were then read from the Cohoes Mastodon—­ARTEMAS WARD’S wax figgers—­the wooly hoss—­a miselaneous lot of Egipshun Mummies, and THEODOR TILTIN—­regrettin’ their inability to attend the Fossil Convention.

HORRIS GREELY was then anathemized, BEN BUTLER—­Senator WILSON—­and GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN Ulogized.

Resolutions were offered that Congressman MORRISEY be pulverized, by some talented femail startin’ a opposition club house, employin’ none but Tigers of the gentle sects.

After a few more summer complaint speeches agin that Horrible!  Bloodthirsty! 2 legged Monkster, MAN!! the annual Hen convention of Antideluvian Fossils tide up their bonnet strings—­took their husbans under their off arm—­walked down to Congress Spring.

The witches who dipp up the mineral fluid danced about the cauldron, while the President of the company spyin’ the Femails approachin’ remarked: 

    “By the prickin’ of my thumb
    Somethin’ wicked this way comes.”