Mucilage is a good thing.  It is now extensively used in Church, State, and Society.  We use it largely at the Veneerfront Avenue Church, of which Rev. Dr. ALEXANDER PLASTERWELL is pastor.  Of course, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, you know that distinguished church, and have no doubt often listened to the distinguished Dr. PLASTERWELL.  He is a kind man, has a high forehead, a Roman (Burgundy) nose, and a sweet, soft head—­I should say heart.  He has—­great and good man—­the largest faith in mucilage.  He often makes it a text, and he sticks to it, he does—­does Dr. PLASTERWELL.  Nothing like mucilage, PUNCHINELLO.  It is the hope of the human race, and the salvation of woman.  It is the Philosopher’s Stone in solution; the essence and link which connects and cements all that is great, good, and lovely, in the past, present, and future.  At least, such is the humble opinion of

TIMOTHY TODD.

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HINTS TO CAR CONDUCTORS.

When standing in Printing House Square, your destination being Grand Street Perry or Bleecker Street, if a stranger asks whether you are going to Harlem, nod, as it is considered improper to answer in the negative.  If he finds out the mistake, you can plead deafness.

When called upon to stop, never attempt to comply.  There are several reasons why you should not.  In the first place, if you did stop, it would show that you have no will of your own, and since the passage of the Fifteenth Amendment, all men are equal in this country.

You may stop about two blocks from the place named, just to please yourself and prove your independence; but take particular care to start the car when the passenger is half off the steps.  If there is a young surgeon in the neighborhood, you can enter into an arrangement to break arms and legs in this way with impunity, have the maimed “carried into the surgery,” and share the fees with the operator.  Occasional cases of manslaughter may take place; but don’t mind that, as coroners’ juries in New-York will return verdicts of “death from natural causes.”  Besides this, remember that you have a vote, and that both coroners and judges are dependent upon the people.  When a lame old gentleman hails you, beckon him furiously to come on, but be sure, at the same time, to urge the driver to greater speed.

It is no part of your business to have change, so never give any, but drive on:  people should provide for and look after their own business and that is none of yours.

Always drive through the centre of a target company or funeral procession, never minding whether you kill one or more, and then abuse the captain or the undertaker for his stupidity.

By the adoption of these essential rules, and by adding a good deal of incivility, you will soon reach the top of the wheel of your profession and in due time have a testimonial presented to you by an admiring and grateful public.