Bilge water, — — — — — — — — — — 95.75
    Sulphate of Bilgerius, — — — — — 1.855
    Chloride of Bilgeria, — — — — — — .285
    Carbonate de Bilgique, — — — — — — .750
    Silica Bilgica, — — — — — — — — — 1.955
    Hydro-sulp-Bil, — — — — — — — — — .28

Twenty thousand grains of the water would contain less of the above element than fifty thousand grains, which ought to be mentioned as another one of the remarkable peculiarities of this most remarkable fluid.”

I sent the foregoing scientific deductions to the “Resident Physician,” and the bearer told me afterwards that the venerable Esculapian only observed,—­“Well, the writer of that must have been a most egregious ass.  There is no such thing as ‘Sulphate of Bilgerius,’ or ’Silica Bilgica,’ or anything like them”, and then the old fellow chuckled to himself over my supposed ignorance.  I was willing he should.  I’m accustomed to being called an ass, and always like to be recognized by my kindred.  Chemically thine,

SULPHURO.

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COOL, IF NOT COMFORTABLE.

Apropos of complications arising out of the late Navy Appropriation Law, a daily paper states as follows: 

“The decision of the Attorney General now forces him to turn the balance into the Treasury, and the sailors have to go unclothed.”

How this decision will affect recruiting for our navy yet remains to be seen, though it is probable that but few civilized men can be found to join a service in which nudity is obligatory.  In such torrid weather as we are having, JACK ashore with nothing on, except, perhaps, a Panama hat, will be a novel and refreshing object—­but how about the police?

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[Illustration:  LAW VERSUS LAWLESSNESS.  THE VIRTUOUS ALLIES OF THE NEW YORK “SUN” ENGAGED IN THEIR CONGENIAL OCCUPATION OF THROWING DIRT.]

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HIRAM GREEN ON BASE BALL.

A Match Game between Centenarians.—­“Roomatix” vs.  “Bloostockin’s.”

The veterans of the war of 1812 of this place, organized a base ball club.

It was called the “Roomatix base ball club.”

A challinge was sent to the “Bloo stockin’ base ball club,” an old man’s club in an adjoinin’ town.  They met last week to play a match game.

It required rather more macheenery than is usually allowed in this grate nashunal game of chance.

For instance:  The pitchers haden’t very good eye-site, and were just as liable to pitch a ball to “2nd base,” as to “Home base.”

To make a sure thing of it, a big long tin tube was made, on the principle of the Noomatic tunnel under Broadway, New York.  A large thing, like a molasses funnel, was made, onto the end facin’ the pitcher.

The old man ceased the ball and pitched it into the brod openin’.  The raceway was slantin’ downwards, towords the “Homebase.” The batter stood at his post, with an ear trumpet at his ear, and a wash-bord in his two hands holdin’ onto the handles.