Last night—­or rather this morning—­they came again.  Their discordant symphonies roused me to desperation.  I seized a bucket of slops, and; opening the window, dashed the contents in the direction of the music; the full force of the deluge striking a fat, froggy-looking little Dutchman, who was puffing and blowing at a bassoon infinitely larger than himself.  He was just launching out into a prodigious strain, but it expired while yet in the bloom of youth.  He remained for a short time in the famous posture of the Colossus of Rhodes, vainly endeavoring to shake off the cigar-stumps and other little et ceteras which were clinging to him like cerements, uttering the while unintelligible oaths.  Then he struck for his domus et placens uxor at as rapid a rate as his little dumpy legs could carry him.

If they come to-night—­if they dare to come—­I will give them a dose which they will remember.

My dear sir, what can I do to rid myself of these annoyances?  The girl has been to boarding-school, and so can’t be sent there again.  She has no friends or relations whom it would be advisable to put her off upon.  Assist me then, in this, the hour of my tribulation, and you, my dear Mr. PUNCHINELLO, will merit the lasting gratitude of an

UNHAPPY FATHER.

[The best thing an “Unhappy Father” can do, under the circumstances, is to learn to play upon the bass horn, and then, should the brazen serenaders again make their appearance, he can give them blow for blow.—­ED. PUNCHINELLO.]

* * * * *

That Iron “Dog.”

The latest bit of intelligence given by the police regarding the “dog” so much spoken of in connection with the Twenty-third street murder, is that it is not, as at first stated, the kind of instrument used by shipwrights.  In other words, the police have discovered that it is not a Water-dog, though, up to the present date, they have not been able to prove it a Bloodhound.

* * * * *

Severe Penalty.

A newspaper gravely informs us that “the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania has refused the Writ of Error in the case of Dr. SHOEPPE, convicted of the murder of Mr. STEINNEKE, and will be hanged.”

Can nothing be done to save this Court?  One may say they had no business to refuse the Writ.  But, at any rate, we are of opinion that the punishment is excessive.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  WONDERFUL TOUR DE FORCE,

PERFORMED “ON THE BEACH AT LONG BEACH,” BY PROFESSOR JAMES FISK, JR.,
THE GREAT AMERICAN ATHLETE.]

* * * * *

HIRAM GREEN ON JERSEY MUSQUITOES.

A Hard-fought Battle—­Musquitoes have no Sting that Jersey Lightning cannot Cure.

New Jarsey is noted among her sister countries, as bein’ responsible for 2 of the most destructive things ever got up.