Yes siree! it was soothin’ fun for me, to see them farmers welt the Deekin.

Steelin’ up stairs agin, I was brushin’ off my clothes, when in walks EBENEZER.

“Sawtel,” said he, ceasin’ me by the cote coller and shakin’ me, “Ile larn you to rite about steelin’ sugar; take that—­and that,” at which he let fly his bute, and down stairs I went agin—­Eben urgin’ me on with his bute.—­

Suffice to say, the whole village called on me that day, and I was kicked down stairs 32 times by the watch.—­Hosswhipt by 17 wimmen—­besides bein’ stuck full of needles by a lot more.

I got so used to bein’ kicked down stairs, that evry time a man come in the door, I would place my back towards him and sing out: 

“Kick away, my friend, I’m in the Editorial biziness to-day—­to-morrow I go hents—­there’s rather too much exsitement runnin’ a noosepaper, and I shall resine this evenin.”

When I got home that nite, I looked like an angel carryin’ a palm-leaf fan in his hand, and clothed in purple and fine linen.  My body was purpler than a huckleberry pie, and my linen was torn into pieces finer than a postage-stamp.

“Sarved you rite, you old fool,” said Mrs. GREEN, as she stood rubbin’ camfire onto me.  “In ritin’ noosepaper articles, editors orter name their man.  A shoe which hain’t bilt for anybody in particular, will get onto evrybody in general’s foot.  When it does, the bilder had better get ready for numerous bootin’s, from that self-same shoe.”

Between you and I, PUNCHINELLO, MARIAH is about 1/2 rite.  Too-rally ewers.

HIRAM:  GREEN, ESQ.,

Lait Gustise of the Peece.

* * * * *

COMIC ZOOLOGY

Order, Cetacea.—­The Right (and wrong) Whale.

The largest of the Cetacea is the Right whale, of which—­so persistently is it hunted down—­there will soon be but few Left.  Some flippant jokist has remarked that there is no Wrong whale, but this is all Oily Gammon.  There is a right and a wrong to everything—­not excepting the leviathan of the deep.

By the courtesy of the Fisheries, the planting of a harpoon in the vitals of a Right whale gives the planter a pre-emption claim to it.  If subsequently appropriated by another party it becomes, so far as that party is concerned, the Wrong whale, and on Trying the case its value may be recovered in a court of law,—­with Whaling costs.

The sperm whale, or cachalot, (genus physeter) is a rare visitor in the higher latitudes.  Now and then a solitary specimen is taken in the Northern Atlantic, but the best place to catch a lot is on the Pacific coast.  It may be mentioned incidentally, as a curious meteorological coincidence, that Whales and Waterspouts are invariably seen together, and hence it was, (perhaps,) that the long-necked cloud pointed out by HAMLET to POLONIUS, reminded that old Grampus of a Whale.