groves and sigh with the sadness of exile.  There is no “OLD EMMET.”  If there is, let him be brought forward—­not to be chucked out of the window, as Mrs. F.’s AUNT might suggest,—­but to be thanked and wondered at as an inchoate OFFENBACH, who might, under other circumstances, have written an American opera-bouffe, or, better still, as a possible CHOPIN, who might have written a second “March Funebre” as hopeless and desolate and fascinating as that of the despairing and poetic Pole. (I am coming to “FRITZ” in a moment, but I won’t be hurried by any one.)

As for JOSEPH K. EMMET, he is an undoubted reality.  If you don’t believe it, go to WALLACK’S and see him.  Somebody discovered this EMMET in the Pastoral privacy of the Bowery.  Mr. GAYLER was made to write a play for him, and EMMET, the Bowery Minstrel, straightway became Mr. JOSEPH K. EMMET, the renowned impersonator of “FRITZ.”  He plays “FRITZ” at WALLACK’S every evening, and the entertainment is something of this nature.

ACT I.—­Scene, the outside of Castle Garden.  Enter baggage-smashers, emigrant-runners, aldermen, and other criminals.

RUNNER.  “There’s a ship a’ comin’ up.  I’ll lay for the Dutchmen.”

BOBBIT. (A concert-saloon manager.) “There’s a ship coming up.  I’ll lay for the Dutch girls.”

DISSOLUTE COLONEL.  “There’s a ship coming up.  I want you two fellows to look out for a Dutchman named “FRITZ,” who is onboard.  He takes care of a girl, KATRINA, whom I adore.  Carry off FRITZ and I’ll carry off the girl.”

(Various emigrants enter and are hustled off by the runners.  FRITZ and KATRINA finally appear.)

FRITZ.  “Ja.  Das ist gut.  Ach himmel; zwei bier und Limburger.”

(The runners seize his trunk and carry it off.  The DISSOLUTE COLONEL hurries KATRINA into a coach and carries her off.  FRITZ is carried away by his emotions.  Curtain.)

ACT II.—­Scene, a boarding-house parlor.  Enter DISSOLUTE COLONEL and KATRINA.

DISSOLUTE COLONEL.  “You are in my power.  Be mine, and you shall have as many bonnets and things as you can wish.  Refuse, and I’ll send every reporter in the city to interview you.”

KATRINA.  “Base villain!  I despise you.  Let the torturers do their worst.”

(Enter FRITZ, disguised as a member of the Sorosis.)

KATRINA.  “You here!  Be cautious.  The hash is drugged.  Save me, my beloved.”

FRITZ.  “Ja.  Das ist nicht gut.  Herr Colonel, Ich bin KATRINA’S aunt.  Ich habe gekommen to take her away wid me, ye owdacious spalpeen.”

DISSOLUTE COLONEL.  “Glad to see you.  Take some hash, madam?”

FRITZ.  “Ja.  Das ist gut.  Take some yourself, you murtherin’ thafe of the worruld.”

(The DISSOLUTE COLONEL forgets that the hash is drugged.  He takes it and falls insensible.  FRITZ and KATRINA escape.  Scene changes to Judge DOWLING’S court-room.)