One Half of the Audience.  “How do you like it?  I like it so much.”

The Other Half.  “I like it immensely.”

Chorus from Every body.  “Why didn’t STODDART swear?”

Answering Echo from the Tipperary Hills.  “Because WALLACK has told him that the public won’t stand it any longer.”

And the public is right.  Mr. STODDART is an exceptionally able actor, but of late he has grown intolerably coarse and vulgar while on the stage.  His profanity has disgraced himself and the theatre, and his gratuitous insult to an estimable lady, who had the misfortune to appear in the same scene with him on Monday night, should have secured his instant dismissal from the company, and his perpetual banishment to Tammany or Tony Pastor’s.  Let him turn over a new leaf at once.  He does not swear in the present play, and the fact is creditable to him.  He is a gentleman in private life; let him be a gentleman on the stage.  By so doing he will soon be recognized as one of the best comedians of the day.  And PUNCHINELLO will be the first to praise him when he lays aside the unnecessary vulgarity with which he has latterly bid for the applause of the gallery.

MATADOR.

* * * * *

THE RELIGION OF TEMPERANCE.

    Says Poet to Parson—­To save men from drinking,
    Not many religions are good to my thinking;
    To be sure a good Baptist a man of true grace is,
    But a Hard Shell, my brother’s the hardest of cases. 
    Your Shouter’s too noisy for temperance talking,
    Your Come-outer too harsh for right temperate walking. 
    A Quaker’s not steady enough on his beam-ends,
    And a Shaker is bad for delirium tremens. 
    But of all the hard drinkers religion has warmed,
    To my mind the most hopeful’s the German Reformed.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE PET DOGS OF NEW-YORK PRESENT THEIR COMPLIMENTS, WITH THE ABOVE CUT, TO MR. BERGH, AND REQUEST THAT HE WILL CUR-TAIL THE SPORTS OF THOUGHTLESS CHILDREN WHO INSIST UPON PLAYING AT “HORSE” WITH THEM.]

* * * * *

Logical.

One PULLMAN, who preaches the “milk of the word,” (not without gin, PUNCHINELLO supposes,) declares that the BIBLE is full of lies.  Well, according to his own view of it, PULLMAN must be full of Scripture.

* * * * *

The Real Fact.

Mr. COLFAX, says the Cincinnati Gazette, intends to call his new-born son CASABLANCA, the Vice-President having once “stood on a burning deck,” etc.  PUNCHINELLO discovers a shrewder reason.  The plain English for Casablanca is White-House.

* * * * *

Concealed Weapons.

Detroit drunkards, says an exchange, use a stocking with a stone in it to avoid arrest—­just as if a hat “with a brick in it” were not enough!