Protection, in this sense, is—­well, let me follow my own admirable example, and illustrate:  You own a coal mine in Pennsylvania, which contains tolerably poor coal, with which you mix a proper amount of stone, and then sell the mixture for a high price.  ICHABOD BLUE-NOSE owns a coal mine in Nova Scotia, which furnishes good coal; he puts no slate in it, and yet sells it at a low figure.  You reflect that with such opposition you will never manage to dispose of all your stone, so you apply to Congress, and have a high tariff put on coal.  That’s Protection.  Metaphysically defined, Protection is the natural right, inherent in every American citizen, to obtain money in large quantities for goods of small qualities.

Protection is not a natural production; it was invented about the time taxes were, though it must be admitted that those very annoying articles appeared very early in the history of the human race.  I’ve no doubt that ADAM levied taxes, though it’s very doubtful if he could put as many things in a tax levy as a New York politician can.  Certainly there was a very high tariff on apples in his day—­so high that humanity has not yet succeeded in paying off the duty on the one ADAM ate.  ABRAHAM paid taxes, and, as he was his own Senate and House, doubtless he passed a tariff bill to suit himself, and had any quantity of Protection.  I have always regretted that NOAH didn’t pass a bill protecting native industry, because he could have enforced it, and had no wrangling about it.

There are one or two points about Protection which a wayfaring man, even if people labor under the impression that he is a fool, can understand.  If you are JOHN SMITH and own a coal mine or an iron mill, you go to Washington, see your Congressman, (by see I mean look at him, of course,) donate large sums of money to certain poor, but honest men, who adorn the lobby of the House, while they are waiting for generous patrons like unto you, then go home and calmly await the result.  Your representative makes a speech, the exordium of which is Patriotism, the peroration of which is Star-Spangled Banner, and the central plum of which is your coal mine or iron mill.  Your poor and honest friends wear out several pairs of shoes, the tariff bill is passed, your mine or mill is abundantly protected, and the country is saved.  If, on the other hand, you are JOHN BROWN, and raise cabbages and turnips on a farm, you are allowed to pay high prices for SMITH’S coal or iron, but you expect no Protection, and you’ve a sure thing of getting what you expect.

Of course you don’t imagine that I shall explain the details of this profound subject.  There are only two men in this country who think they can do that, and each one of those says that the other is an idiot.  As a rule, figures can’t lie; but look out for the exceptions when you run across the subject of Protection.  The very same figures have an ugly way of proving both sides of a question.  You run down a fact, and think you’ve got it, but, before you know it, it has slipped, like the “little joker,” over to the other side.